My Secret Place

Re-Beginnings

2012-01-08T00:33:00.002-05:00

OK, it has taken me seven days to finally start this new blog posting... well, actually, more like three and a half years.

I don't want to get into why I have not written for so long. All I want to do is write. The only New Year's resolution I made this year is to write more. I have been using twitter for some eight months or so, and just recently started a #kidlit review tumblr, but I guess I'm ready to delve into deeper issues.

I want to start then by reintroducing three Scriptures that have been at the core of me--of who I am--for the last fifteen to twenty years.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. - Romans 8:28

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:4-7

Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.” - Matthew 9:35-38

That's it for now (it's actually really late and I'm tired). I'll expand on what these Scriptures have meant to me, and what they mean to me now/today.

Proper Placement!

2008-08-11T09:12:00.004-04:00

I know I haven't written in a while and so the few people who did read this blog, might not see this, but I have to put it out there, in hopes that if you are reading this, then this will speak to you.

Now, I've been sitting on this for a little while, but it is the time to post. I also apologize to those who don't believe that God can speak to us or that God wants to speak to us words of encouragement outside of His Word, the Bible. But I have experienced the truth and power in these "prophetic" words.

I "heard" or sensed God speak this to me on July 22nd, and I believe that it is a word of encouragement for everyone in the church.

"It seems the enemy is on a tear. He is trying to frighten us and keep us from seeing and knowing that God IS moving. He is afraid of what God is doing; of what the outcome will be in this world, in this generation. The Lord is moving and working. He is laying the foundations, so we might not see anything right now. It’s like He is working underground. He is doing stuff in the ground that we cannot see. Just like when a seed is planted, we do not see what is happening to the seed, when it is 'dying,' being transformed and developing roots, until we finally see the sprout and the plant rise up out of the soil. The Lord has been planting 'seeds' and they are about to rise up. 'Hold on for one more day,' says the Lord. The time IS coming. The time is coming. Just believe.

"I also hear, 'Proper placement! Proper placement!' This relates to the seeds planted as well as where we are planted. 'Proper placement!'"

After receiving that word, I felt it important to find out exactly what happens when you plant a seed. This is what I found:

What happens to a seed after it is planted?

The next step in the corn seeds life cycle is germination. Germination is the process that takes an inactive seed and starts cell division through the activation of enzymes. In order to trigger germination the seed must absorb 30% of its weight in water. Once the seed has absorbed enough water the next series of events occur in a distinct sequence. The first visual sign of germination is the emergence of the radical root.

The radical roots will emerge from the tip of the kernel. The coleoptile is the next structure to emerge; it emerges from the embryo side of the kernel. The coleoptile is often referred to as the spike; it is the cylindrical plant tissue that has a pointed tip. The coleoptile encloses the first 4 to 5 leaves of the corn plant. The final step in germination is the formation of the lateral seminal roots near the dent of the kernel.

The role of the seminal root system (radical & lateral seminal roots) is to anchor the young plant and to absorb water and nutrients for the first two to three weeks of the young corn plants life. The seminal root system helps support the plant until the permanent root system can be established.

After germination is completed, the next process is emergence. The first step in the emergence process is the mesocotyl elongating. The mesocotyl pushes the coleoptile towards the soil surface. Once the coleoptile senses light at the soil surface the leaves in the coleoptile ruptures the end of the coleoptile and the first true leaf emerges. Once the first leaf emerges emergence is completed.

I hope this encourages you to hold on, and to get your butt into proper placement. I believe that has to do with your local church. I know we don't "need" a church to be close to God... but we do need each other to accomplish what we have been called to accomplish in this world. God bless.

A Silver Lining?

2007-06-18T22:00:00.000-04:00

This blog is a culmination of recent events and other random thoughts, so here goes... hope it says something to you.

I, for one, know how easy it is to be critical --overly critical-- and negative. I believe most of us are to some degree. You hang around an organization (be it school, work, or, yes, even church)
long enough (for some that's an hour and for others it's 5+ years) and you are bound to find something you will criticize and dislike greatly. And I'm trying to make this sound as general as possible, because this happens in relationships too. When you are "too close" to the situation, you only see the blemish or the greyness of the cloud, and you miss the silver lining.

You need to step back a bit... I need to step back a bit.

This past Saturday, I had the privilege to live out a dream! I, along with three other buddies, played a gig (yes, I play every Sunday morning, but playing a rock show has a completely different atmosphere... anyway!). We were the opening band for three other bands. But at first we were all pretty negative about the whole thing. My friends were all nervous because they felt we were not good enough, nor, at least, ready enough. I wasn't nervous, but my attitude showed pretty much the same underlining feeling. My attitude was that we were the opening act so it didn't matter if we were not good or not. In the end, we rocked the place. Everyone who spoke with us said how awesome we were. The best band there (in my opinion) raved how tight we sounded, and could not believed that we only really had two practices with the full band. The band right after us also approached us about being their opening act for some other shows they were doing. And then the organizer/promoter of a festival in Beauce, Quebec (I'll find out the name of the festival) invited us to play at the festival next summer!!! Isn't that crazy.

The next thing was that I had a pretty crappy father's day. My own dad wanted to go to his church picnic/bbq... in Croatian that means roast pork on a spit, not my idea of fun. I was hurt by this, that my father seemed to want to spend time with his friends and not his own son. Plus all I got was some shirts... anyone who knows me well knows I don't like getting clothes as gifts (you NEED clothes, they should never be gifts), but a CD or a DVD or just even some chocolate would have been awesome. So I was feeling pretty down on myself and on my dad in particular.

Then I read Praise in the Pain by my friend Kirtsen (haha, it's where I got the title... pretty smart, huh!). Anyway, what she wrote there sort of hit me. We're all broken people in one way or another, but when you make Jesus your Lord and accept His sacrifice and His forgiveness, all your wounds are healed. But, like with any wound, a scar is left behind. I keep picking at these scars rather than praising God for healing them. In fact, more often than not, I'm digging up these scars and finding the old wounds underneath... but are they really the old wounds or am I allowing the same, but new, wounds to be made in the same place (ooooo, pretty philosophical, my brother might be proud :).

Which leads me to the last "event", which happened this evening. I was writing in my dad's Father's day card... I felt no urgency to write in it sooner since we were not going to see him Sunday. I tried to get him a card that made some general Happy Father's day thoughts, but with a Christian overtone, because he wasn't the type of father that taught me how to hit or throw a baseball, or how to ride my bike, or any of those things. He wasn't the type of father I thought I wanted. Hmmm, it's hard when you long for something, but you don't get it... ever. I painted a much worse picture of my dad in my mind and heart than he really was... but again, I was missing the silver lining.

Let me share what the card said:
FRONT:

A Father's Love is a Blessing Always

That's even more profound than when I read it first or when I read it earlier this evening. That alone I can spend hours dissecting.
INSIDE, LEFT-HAND SIDE:

Thanks be to God for His gifts - 2 Corinthians 9:15

INSIDE, RIGHT-HAND SIDE:

You're a very special person,
and though the generous spirit
that you always share,
you bring the very heart of God's love
to everyone you meet.
The world is a better place
because of you,
and you deserve
a Father's Day that's just
as blessed as you are.

Honestly, on the surface, I did not really believe this of my dad. But as I was writing, something hit me... if my dad was really such a terrible person, how in the world did I turn out ok (minus the ticks, idiosyncrasies, OCDisms, quick temper, etc... :) I know that God can change many things in us... but no, I've always been a moral person... where'd that come from? I have always be ready to help others... where'd that come from? I know my dad's not perfect, but neither am I... yet somehow, I turned out ok. OK enough for a woman (Cindy) and her mother to deem me marriageable. OK enough to land and keep a fairly secure job at Dawson. OK enough to have the wisdom, intelligence and acquire the knowledge to own my own home, as well as a separate revenue generating property. OK enough to become a dad myself. Now, ultimately, Eliya will be the deciding factor of really how good a father my father was... but I now have no doubts how that one will end.

In our "fast food", "microwaveable" world, it is so easy to miss the long-term picture and thus miss the silver-lining.

New Ramblings!

2006-04-11T09:01:00.000-04:00

Hmmm... It's been a while, eh!
I've realized that sometimes, you need to work things out before you write about them. Journaling is great and all, but being an emotional person--who can run really high one day and be totally low the next--sometimes, some of my thoughts need to be worked through first.

Well, let's get up-to-date.

I've had a baby... Well, my wife had the baby. Her name is Eliya, and she is the most precious gift I have received besides the gift of (eternal and earthly) life from God and the gift of a married life with my wife. I'll probably start a blog for her too... PSYCHO-BLOG-GUY... That's me :)

What else?

Well, we have started our Young-Adults ministry. It's far from the vision I've had for this, but we've been meeting for the past 6 Fridays, and the turn-out has been good. Right now, it's like another worship service... We have some nice acoustic, intimate worship, and a great word (OK, so I'm tooting my own horn :)

Ultimately, I think we're having fun... Well, with some hiccups along the way. But, I think that's par for the course.

I was reading some of my past entries... And I have to repent a bit, especially in regards to the entry entitled the Fellowship - All Alone

I was getting discouraged. I was ready to quit. It has not been easy working full-time, having a newborn to care for, my wife and baby have had an infection for the last month, working with different people--who all have their own ideas (not necessarily a bad thing, but it is a lot more work)--, dealing with some crap at work (oops, am I allowed to write crap?), not feeling well physically, ... Should I complain more? :) ... Oh, yeah, being pissed at God... oooo, are you allowed to be pissed at God?

(BTW, for those who don't know me, I'm pretty irreverent towards "sacred cows" of Christianity... If you think you can't be angry with God, read some Psalms... Of course you can't stay there!)

Anyway, I was reminded of my commitment to see this through to the end. I was reminded of my own words, that I would not quit, NO MATTER WHAT. I was reminded that the reason I even stepped into leading and pastoring this Young Adults (College-Age) ministry was because God asked me to, and I said yes.

Anyway, say a little prayer for me today. I know I have stuff to work on in my own life... But doesn't everyone... However, this will not stop me from moving forward and doing what God has asked me to do.

TTYS!

The Fellowship - All Alone

2005-08-09T08:11:00.000-04:00

This morning I am all alone. I guess everyone else was either tired (I understand that one ;) ), forgot or had some other pressing appointment. But that's ok, because I believe this was God's plan to get me here alone.

I sensed that God was asking me, "If you were the only one to do this, the only one willing to stand for me on behalf of this generation of youth, will you?" The funny thing is that I could never do everything this ministry is going to accomplish on my own, and God knows that. But that is also not the question God is asking me.

Will I stand? In prayer? In deed? In words? Yes, of course. Even if I was the only one, I would do whatever I had to do, whatever God wanted me to do. It doesn't mean it is easy. Obviously, I want me wife to stand beside me on this. Of course, I want friends and family to support me and help me. Of course, I want my pastors to watch my back, guide me, teach me and lead me. But what if I was the only one?

"What if" questions are so easy to answer when you don't think about them, because they are so unlikely to happen. But when we ponder them for a bit, they are much harder, because they force us to look at our motivations and our heart attitude.

When I look at my life, everything I do, I do because I believe I am bringing God glory and I am doing what God wants me to do. Right now, I feel like I could sleep for a week. I feel like a two week vacation would not help me recover my strength. I feel burnt out. But, I continue with everything because I love my God. I serve in church, because I don't know how else to show Jesus how much I love Him and how thankful I am for His sacrifice and love for me. I work, really, only to put food on the table and pay my bills. I know that God opened this door for me, but my heart longs to serve in the church, serve God's purposes in Montreal, and serve His people, and from that make my living. I know that Scriptures say that in everything we do, do it for the glory of God. I know that I can fulfill the purposes of God at my job... It's just that it doesn't fit the passions in me.

Ultimately, all I want to do is work for God in any way, especially in the ways that God has shown me through visions and dreams in my heart. I do want to glorify God with this ministry, and though it may be hard, and even if no one else is willing to be a part of it... I know that the vision in my heart is what this ministry is supposed to be--I'm going to sound conceited and maybe "big-headed" right now, but--if it is not implement as such, it won't grow and it won't have much fruit. I know I am supposed to lead this ministry. Exactly in what capacity, I am not sure. But just like Ezra was called to lead the Israelites to rebuild the temple and lead them back into a right relationship with God, I know that I am called to lead this building of this ministry. Just like Ezra took it personally when he found out that the Israelites had broken God's commands by intermarrying with the pagan nations, I take it personally when God's people don't seem to care about the youth and college-aged people of this beautiful city. I take it personally when people seem to be worried about their own well-being rather than the well-being of a whole generation of people, that they themselves are part of.

O, Father, forgive us! Forgive us for not heeding Your Words, Your promptings, Your nudges. Forgive us for our selfish attitudes, worrying about our own well-being and needs. Father forgive me for "protecting" my time from You. But also teach me Your proper balance. Prune away the things I really have no business being in. Circumcise our hearts, O Lord. Make us right before You. Guide us in this endeavour. Give us the wisdom we will need. Give us the revelation we need. Give us the passion and desire we need. Teach us, impact us, with Your Love!

Amen.

The Fellowship - August 2nd, 2005

2005-08-03T06:58:00.000-04:00

One of the other people who come to the prayer meeting was reading Joshua that morning. Joshua 1 is just so relevant to us and to this ministry at this time. We are entering our "Ppromised Land" in a sense. And we need to remember God's promises to never leave or forsake us, as well as, God' commands to remain strong and courageous, and to keep His Word in our hearts. But, it is really Joshua 3, specifically verse 5, that formed the crux of our prayer this morning. It reads:

"Joshua told the people, 'Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you.'"

Other translations use words such as "sanctify" or "purify". It essentially means to seperate yourself for a special purpose, most often relating to some purpose of God. In essence, it is speaking of holiness, or in other words a higher, godly standard.

There is no way we can succeed and move forward with God without a higher level of holiness. It is even more true when it comes to leadership, starting a new ministry, or your own destiny. The great thing is that we don't really do anything, except for trusting in God's grace, Word, and strength.

Two thoughts came to me as we were praying. The first had to do with circumsicion. Part of what the Israelites had to do to be sanctified was to be circumcised. Of course, God is not necessarily asking the men in this college-aged ministry to get circumcised physically, but rather to have our hearts circumcised, as Paul mentions in Romans 2:29.

The second thought was based on John 15, the parable of the vine and the branches, specifically about the Father, the gardener or vinedresser, who prunes His vines and branches. Sometimes, holiness has to do with pruning even some good things from our lives, so that our energy and strength can go to producing the best fruit God has planned for us. If we are spread too thin, we will only produce little fruit.

Ultimately, holiness, circumcision of the heart, pruning, all has to do with our heart attitude. Are we ready to follow God anywhere? Are we willing to do anything for God? Are we willing to possibly look stupid for God? Are we willing to lay down our lives? Are we willing to pick up our crosses?

Another thought that came from the Joshua reading was that God's victory and His ways are often illogical to our way of thinking. I truly believe that this ministry will defy our standard way of thinking about youth and college ministries. It will be a miracle-laced ministry that will astound everyone... even the leadership :) ... actually, especially the leadership.

Our prayer then turned to praying about our tools and weapons for completing this task. We will put our hands to the plow and we will not look back (Luke 9:62). We do have the tools and the weapons. We are not empty handed! (2 Corinthians 6:7, 2 Corinthians 10:4, Hebrews 4:12, Ephesians 6:10-20) . We are also never alone!!! (Deuteronomy 31:6, 8, Joshua 1:5, Psalm 9:10, Psalm 94:14, Hebrews 13:5)

We also prayed for revelation and vision for this fall (i.e. what will we do? details). We even prayed for revelation for those who are to be part of this vision and ministry, but are not even aware of it yet. I believe there are people who already have dreams and vision that fit into this ministry, and a fire will be set aflame in them as soon as they hear about it.

YOUR Will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Your Will! God's Will!

Amen!

The Fellowship -- The "Craftsmen" are coming!

2005-07-21T13:14:00.000-04:00

Again, prayer was awesome Tuesday morning. I was a little early, so I took the chance to read from my One Year Bible. The reading was 1 Chronicles 28:1-29:30. Basically, King David is coming to the end of his life. Solomon, his son is being made the new king of Israel. And David has prepared all the materials for the building of the Temple of the Lord. However, he is told by God that he cannot build, but Solomon will. Chapters 28 and 29 are basically David's prayer for Solomon and the people for the building of the Temple. That's a serious abbreviation of those chapters. Really, what is important, at least in regards to the prayer meeting and what touched me, came from verses 20-21 from chapter 28. It reads in the :

"And David said to his son Solomon, 'Be strong and of good courage, and do it; do not fear nor be dismayed, for the LORD God--my God--will be with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you, until you have finished all the work for the service of the house of the LORD. Here are the divisions of the priests and the Levites for all the service of the house of God; and every willing craftsman will be with you for all manner of workmanship, for every kind of service; also the leaders and all the people will be completely at your command.'"

There are a number of truths here that struck me, relating to this kick-off in prayer for the College-aged ministry. First, God is with us! He will never forsake us, and He will be with us to the end. Second, in the New Living Translation, it reads, "Don't be afraid or discouraged by the size of the task." That encouraged me, because, truly, this is a huge project, but God is in charge. He is the one making the plans, and bringing in the people. Thank God for that! And third, there will be people to work this vision, from the "Levites" (like the musicians, pastors, etc...) to the "willing craftsmen". This was a great encouragement to me. Often, at least it seems so to me, it is so hard to get people to help and to serve in the church or in some particular ministry. I don't know if it is that people are just lukewarm or they're all looking for that "podium" or "superstar" position. No one seems to want to do the dirty work, or the behind-the-scenes stuff.

At least, that's how it has seemed with the worship team at my church. For the last four and a half years, we've been renting, and so we have had to set-up and takedown our music equipment and sound system every week. And pretty much the only people doing it faithfully and regularly are the guys on the music team (and not all the guys, mind you). The ladies help us out with takedown. We've asked people. We've invited them to be part of the team. But, in general, they have not stuck with it or stuck with any noticeable consistency. OK... I've taken a tangent... Sorry.

The point... God is preparing and bringing in all the workers and craftsmen that will be needed. It so awesome to know that, at least, this part is taken care of!

Anyway, to the actual prayer time. I don't remember specifics of our prayer. A lot was based on the above Scripture; some about specific people to be part of this ministry; and some on praying in the entrepreneurial and artistic spirit of this ministry.

Another great point that came out of the prayer was the idea that for the people involved, that this dream, vision, and ministry would not be something we fit into our lives and schedule, or fit around our work and other activities. But rather, that it would be our life's work, and that our lives, our work, our activities would fit into this dream! Of course, this is based on Matthew 6:33. Too often we worry about our needs and wants to the point that we forget about doing God's work and God's calling on our lives... Oh, we still go to church and serve here and there, but we're missing that special thing/job/work/place God has for us, where all other things, basically, become unimportant and taken care of!

Some words that came out of the prayer, that I think will describe this group of people, this generation:

RISK-TAKERS
WATER-WALKERS

Finally, as we were praying, I felt as if God was just downloading ideas for businesses or maybe just all the types of businesses that will be represented in and through this ministry. I even sensed that there would be a warehouse-styled complex housing all these ideas. Here they are in no particular order:

Coffeeshop (that one's mine :)
Radio Station
Music Store (CDs)
internet Cafe
Bookstore & Resource centre (Christian books)
Skate Park
Skate Store (Boards and clothes)
24/7 Prayer & Worship Centre
Production Studio
Recording/Sound Studio
Snack Bar
Art Studio
graffiti Area
Theatre (for plays and concerts and conferences and movies)
Lighting Company
Sound Tech Company
Graphics design company

And there were just some random thoughts with all these business ideas:

TV in the coffeeshop, which would show programs and movies we would produce
Ministage in coffeeshop for concerts and "open" mic-styles worship times
Comedy nights :)

That's it! It's a lot. But God is in control. Hallelujah!

The Fellowship--Prayer ... The day after!

2005-07-14T11:05:00.000-04:00

I just wanted to update you on how the prayer time went on Wednesday morning. It was great... As if that is a surprise :)

Really, there were two words that came out of that prayer time that stirred something in my heart and spirit. One was that this college-aged ministry is anointed with an entrepreneurial spirit. What does this mean? I don't fully know yet... But certainly, this will not be a typical youth ministry that meets Friday evenings, does some worship and has a guest speaker... Not that we won't be doing that as well, but I believe that there are young people with dreams, looking for a place to dream and grow in faith to step out into those dreams!

Nuff said on that for now.

The second word was about the arts and creativity. I strongly feel that the arts will be a big part of this college-age ministry. I also saw a production studio, producing films, shows, music, etc... In this.

OK, so there's obviously a lot of "work" to be done. And as I have mentioned, we will not start anything without spending lots of time in prayer.

The Fellowship--Prayer

2005-07-11T14:00:00.000-04:00

This is an edited excerpt from an email I sent out to a specific group of people, essentially kicking off our youth/college-aged ministry. We'll see where God is taking us!

As you may or may not know, I have a great passion to serve the College age and youth. I have been in this area (both in the secular and in ministry for the past 10 years, which does not include my own studies at CEGEP and university).

Also for the last two months, Cindy and I have started a cell with this age category in mind (about 18-25)... And I think it has been going very well. However, I know that this is not the final "product" (if I may use that term) of the college/youth ministry.

I don't know what is... It may revolve around some business ideas I have... Or it may revolve around some more traditional idea of a youth ministry. However, I do believe that worship will be involved greatly, as well as some form of 24/7 prayer.

Having said all this, why the email? Well, for any work of God, prayer must be its driving force. And in fact, often before any work of God is birth, it is through prayer that it is born. So I am calling a weekly morning prayer meeting.

I feel strongly that the prayer meeting needs to be a morning prayer meeting. This is going to require sacrifice. If for some of you this cuts too close to work, we can move it earlier (say 6:00 or 6:30am). But for the time being, I feel we need to stay away from the evening/night prayer meeting... That's "too easy" for this age group... Though I am not saying we may not have some all night prayer before the summer is over. :)

Ultimately, I am asking each one of you to go to God prayerfully, and find out if this is something He wants you to be a part of. And if it is, then be quick to obey. These morning prayers will help set the foundation for this ministry... A foundation of prayer, self-sacrifice, servanthood, faithfulness, love, and obedience.

I would just ask everyone to reply back to me... Let me know if you are interested, if this ministry is something that burns on your heart, if you feel called to this age group, or if none of this appeals to you.

I really want the next two months or so of prayer to help us establish a strong vision for this ministry, which will overflow onto the campuses, into the new neighbourhood our church is moving to and into our own congregation.

God bless you all.

Then he told them what they could expect for themselves: "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat--I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. - Luke 9:23-24 (the Message)

Then He said to them all, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it. - Luke 9:23-24 (NKJV)

Church = the Body of Christ = Family

2005-05-17T16:20:00.000-04:00

Cindy (my wife) and I have recently started a new cell (small group, Bible study, or whatever other word you want to use). We meet Monday evenings. It's a college-aged cell, which basically means it is geared towards people aged 18-30 or so, with the youthful mindset that they can still change the world and make a difference... And where family, family-life, and careers have not taken center stage, yet. At least, that's how I see this group of people. There are others that fit in that age category, but family and career take precedence over experiencing our youth... Hmmm!

I don't think I explained that very well... Anyway, I'm off topic... BIG surprise.

The point!

We're studying the Purpose Driven Life book by Rick Warren. Yesterday, we did a condensed study on purpose #2: "You were formed for God's family." I guess the fundamental idea is that we were created to be part of a family, and I do not mean a biological family, but a great community of believers. Now, there are many reasons why it is important to be part of a church and part of a specific group of believers, but one of my favorites (and really the signature sermon of my pastors) is Psalm 92:12-13:

"The [uncompromisingly] righteous shall flourish like the palm tree [be long-lived, stately, upright, useful, and fruitful]; they shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon [majestic, stable, durable, and incorruptible]. Planted in the house of the Lord, they shall flourish in the courts of our God."

We will NEVER accomplish the purpose of our lives, at least not the full purpose of God for our lives, unless we are part of a local church, or a local group of believers. I firmly believe this and the Bible does support it. Of course, some of us will have to change our mindset on what "the church" means... For one, it's not that building you go to on Sunday mornings.

Church is a community. Church is a family. And just like there are problems in any family or community, there will be problems in every local church. That is NO reason to leave your church.

I know in our western society it has become "normal" and ok to get a divorce or separate yourself from your blood family when problems arise that you do not want to or know how to fix. I also know that sometimes, even when you want to and know how to fix a problem, the other people involved have no desire to change. That, Scripturally speaking, still does not give us the ok to leave our family (biological, by marriage, or spiritual).

This is just the start... I'm going to expand on this some more later.

Tying loose ends... Not today :)

2005-05-16T16:14:00.000-04:00

I just went through all my past posts and realized that I've left a lot of ideas unfinished. And some still stir something in me, so I know there's stuff to write about. So I will get back to each item, and reference it appropriately.

I used to be a huge comic book fan and collector, and one of my major pet peeves was when writers would seemingly just forget a story-line and never come back to it to finish it or explain it. So I don't want to do the same... Of course, when we speak of spiritual things, then we are talking life-long journeys (can you say "cop-out" )

So, having said all this, I'm going to start peeling away the layers of thought and emotions behind the "Stuff on my heart" post. Be ready to be offended :)

But not today... Be blessed!

2005-05-09T15:45:00.000-04:00

Main Sanctuary... isn't it beautiful!

2005-05-09T15:44:00.000-04:00

St Vincent de Paul Cathedral

I will give you the house... Reprise!

2005-05-09T15:09:00.000-04:00

NOTE: I am not writing this to offend anyone or reveal financial issues from my church... It is totally, and simply to show how awesome God is... And that He DOES still speak to us and encourage us! Read on.

Since I've been "out of it" for a while, I was just backtracking through some of my old posts, and I realized that I've left a few ideas... Uhm... How shall I put it... Unfinished? Unanswered? Either way, I came across the one entitled "I will give you the house."

Well, here's an update to that one. We've been looking at a cathedral (anyone who knows Pastor Curtis and Marney, knows that God gave them the mandate to "Take the cathedrals"... ) just east of Papineau on St Catherine called St Vincent de Paul.

Anyway, this church is just absolutely beautiful. It has gorgeous stained-glass windows; amazing artwork on the walls; marble and granite all over... It's just gorgeous.

The main sanctuary seats from 1000-1500, but that's REALLY comfortable seating. You can definitely fit more. There's a small chapel for 100-150 people. Both have similar sized halls underneath them, and there's a presbytery right beside the main sanctuary with some 30 rooms/offices (may even be bigger than that. It has 4 floors of office space).

Anyway, we've been in negotiations with them for a while. The original price was $1.8 million. We countered with a three year rental option, with the rent going as a downpayment toward a final cost of $750,000 for the whole building. They (The archdiocese!!!) countered with $840,000, with a $350,000 downpayment, we would have ownership, and the rest would be paid over three years.

At that point, we've been getting the church congregation behind this to raise $100,000 as quick as possible to go back with another counter-offer. In less than 2 months, we've raised nearly $70,000!!! So the pastors went out to lunch with the two priests who take care of the place. And here's what they offered $25,000 right now, and (I forgot some of the details) $75,000 by September 1st (I think). Then over the next 10 years, interest free, we would make lump-sum payments of $74,000 each year.

Here's what the priests said, "But you'll take possession and ownership right away, right."

We are now writing up the proposal, so they can officially present it to the archdiocese.

God is so faithful to His promises! Isn't He amazing! Simple steps of faith and obedience to His Word... That's all it takes!

OK, It's been a while

2005-05-09T14:30:00.000-04:00

So... I've been pretty quiet for a while, eh :)

Just going through some stuff... Trying to figure out some things... Been asking God to clarify that which I don't understand...

Pretty vague... I know.

I guess it comes down to maturity. I read this posting (The Urgency for Maturity, and a Reconciled Mind) on the Elijah List (www.elijahlist.com). I know there's something there, and I realize that our immaturity keeps us from fully understanding God's ways and God's thoughts. In our immature state, our emotions get the best of us, and we walk by sight not by faith.

Maybe the most interesting thought in the article is that we can even walk by sight, seemingly doing what is right and what God's Word says, yet not be walking by faith and in the true reality of what is God's Will according to His Word. I know that's a mouthful, and I'm not sure I understand it.

I guess some more hmmmm-time is needed...

I promise, I'll try to write more often :)

That's as uncommitted as one can be, eh!

Back to writing

2005-02-14T09:32:00.000-05:00

It's been almost two full weeks since I've written anything on any of my blogs... And I ask myself, "Why?" Too busy? That's as lame an excuse as it gets. Truth be told... As if I can hide anything from You my Father in Heaven... I've been angry and upset and hurt... By a lot of stuff and a lot of people. I've just not wanted to talk about it. I've left it in Your (GOD) more than capable hands. But I need an outlet. Worship is one... And I just love worshipping my LORD (yesterday, was particularly awesome). Writing is another, because it helps me think and express my emotions, which I "normally" keep bottled up inside, at least the really deep and wounded ones. I'm know for baring my emotions on my sleeve--joy, happiness, unhappiness, anger, frustration, love for someone (actually, the emotions that go with loving someone)--I can't hide these. These show up on my face immediately. But there are deeper emotions... I guess you can call them "true" emotions. It's not that I fake the others. I'm just more comfortable and know how to express them. But when someone or something wounds me deeply or even touches my heart in a loving and beautiful way, I don't always know how to express that. So they stay inside. It's the negative emotions that can hurt me though. Those emotions led me down a dark path of depression for 13+ years. I fantasied about either killing myself or being killed (Thank God for my Catholic upbringing though, because I believed I would NEVER get to heaven if I committed suicide, so I never actually attempted suicide... Though I suppose, I had committed emotionally and even spiritual suicide at multiple times during the dark years of my life. Even though I was physically alive, I was not emotionally or spiritually alive).

I will never go to that dark place again. So, I continue to worship, and I will continue to write.

Stuff on my heart

2005-01-27T16:07:00.000-05:00

I'm just meditating on some things that have happened recently, which seem to be a repeat of past events as well. It has to do with the church, in general, but more specifically about the church in Quebec.

I love my city and my province and my country, but there's stuff that really bothers me, especially in the church. Now, this is not an attack or judgment on the church... Because I love and believe in the church. It is Christ's body! And so, that's why I want to be very careful what I write... And that's why for the moment all I want to post is the following Scripture passages, and when I have the words I'll write what's on my heart.

"Therefore, brethren, since we have full freedom and confidence to enter into the [Holy of] Holies [by the power and virtue] in the blood of Jesus, By this fresh (new) and living way which He initiated and dedicated and opened for us through the separating curtain (veil of the Holy of Holies), that is, through His flesh, And since we have [such] a great and wonderful and noble Priest [Who rules] over the house of God, Let us all come forward and draw near with true (honest and sincere) hearts in unqualified assurance and absolute conviction engendered by faith (by that leaning of the entire human personality on God in absolute trust and confidence in His power, wisdom, and goodness), having our hearts sprinkled and purified from a guilty (evil) conscience and our bodies cleansed with pure water. So let us seize and hold fast and retain without wavering the hope we cherish and confess and our acknowledgement of it, for He Who promised is reliable (sure) and faithful to His word. And let us consider and give attentive, continuous care to watching over one another, studying how we may stir up (stimulate and incite) to love and helpful deeds and noble activities, Not forsaking or neglecting to assemble together [as believers], as is the habit of some people, but admonishing (warning, urging, and encouraging) one another, and all the more faithfully as you see the day approaching." - Hebrews 10:19-25

"The [uncompromisingly] righteous shall flourish like the palm tree [be long-lived, stately, upright, useful, and fruitful]; they shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon [majestic, stable, durable, and incorruptible]. Planted in the house of the Lord, they shall flourish in the courts of our God.[Growing in grace] they shall still bring forth fruit in old age; they shall be full of sap [of spiritual vitality] and [rich in the] verdure [of trust, love, and contentment]." - Psalm 92:12-14

Be blessed!

Prisoners of Hope

2005-01-26T11:57:00.000-05:00

I just read this article by Victoria Boyson. Man, it was awesome. Read it here! I will share my thoughts a little later.

Morning Prayer... A Sacred Cow?

2005-01-20T13:49:00.000-05:00

I am not--usually--a morning person. I have gone through seasons in my live where I have been. There was a period of about 6 months from November 2000 to about March or April 2001, where I would go to bed, earliest, midnight, but more often than not, I got to bed around 2:00 am. At the same time, I was waking up at 5:00 am without an alarm. I would then get up and go prayer walking for about 30 minutes to an hour, and come back to our fellowship centre for our morning prayer at 6:30 am. And then I'd be off to work. THAT WAS OF GOD!

Normally, I can get up early with the help of my alarm, but I'm usually very groggy. I can focus and concentrate for a short period, like for prayer, but then all I want to do is go back to bed.

Normally, I have trouble eating soon after I wake up. I prefer eating an hour, even two hours, after I have finally woken up--fully and completely (Tragically Hip reference ;) .

Normally, I seem to be more productive in the evenings, and I'll go as far as to say, I'm more productive late at night. At least, looking back at my experiences, this seems to be true. I tried the "waking-up-early-to-get-more-things-done" thing, and it really did not work for me. The reality is that the afternoon or late morning is my MOST productive times, but if I wake up too early, I'm tired and want a nap during the afternoon.

OK, all this to say that I'm not a morning person (man, I can be long-winded sometimes). So what brought this on. Well, it's that whole "waking-up-early-to-spend-time-with-God doctrine" the church seems to advocate in whatever way: by clubbing you over the head with it or in some more subtle ways. But, can we say it really is a doctrine? Do we have Scriptural references that defend this notion?

Well, of course, there is the famous Mark 1:35 passage: "Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed." We tend to focus on the very early part, but the fact is that never again does Scripture mention Jesus going to pray early in the morning. It does however mention Jesus praying at pretty much any time before performing certain miracles, and a couple of "all-nighters" (one of them being the night in Gethsemane). Also, from Mark 1:35, I believe the main issue or lesson was the whole idea that Jesus went to pray in a solitary place. I absolutely believe and agree with the need for personal one-on-one time with God in prayer. If you are living a "Christian" life, yet you have little or no solitary prayer time, let me be so bold and say, you are then far from where God wants you to be. But I digress.

The reason for this little "rant", besides getting others to think and ruffle a few feathers, is to say that all this is really a moot point with the 24/7 movement happening all around the world. Prayer and worship is no longer to be just for a few minutes or hours in the morning and that's all. No God is looking for an army of warriors who will keep watch and fight 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. That's why we have people who LOVE waking up at the (excuse the expression) God-awful hours of the early morning, and others, like me, who are not bothered by going to bed at 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 in the morning! God needs us all. The people of this land need us. I know that this is stirring something in some people. I know that there is something in your vision that includes this vision of prayer and worship going on 24 hours a day... Even when half the world is sleeping (hey, they can't fight it then, right?).

I'd love to hear from you. Let's mobilize this army. I especially looking for you Canadians out there. We seem to always be a few steps behind. BUT no more. We will be frontrunners. There will be a sound out of Canada that the world has never heard. Rise up warriors and cry out to your King! ... Any time of the day ;) Had to slip that in! Down with the sacred cow!

Be blessed.

I will give you the House!

2005-01-18T17:37:00.000-05:00

While we were worshipping on Sunday at church, this is what I heard from GOD:

"I will give you the house."

The first thoughts through my head were, "Thank you, Father, for the house you are giving me and Cindy." But then I got this strong sense that it was not just a house for me and Cindy, but also the House of the LORD... i.e. our very own church building! Then I sensed that it also was referring to the International House of Prayer & Worship. God was saying He would give these to us... Of course, that always accompanies or requires some kind of action from us. We have to take some steps of faith and start doing things, as if, we are going to get these things.

I'm glad to say, we took our first step as a church towards getting our own church building. We went to see a Franciscan church. The main sanctuary has not been used in 20 years. But the problem was that we have no kitchen, no fellowship room, no classrooms. So we go on and take step number two!

Stay Tuned!

Been sick...

2005-01-18T17:24:00.000-05:00

It's crazy... I've been through this sine wave of illness for the past 2 months! I get quite sick, then I recover 80%, and then--WHAM--I'm sick again! I haven't been able to fully recover my strength... And the fact that I am fasting does not make it better. Though I did read somewhere that when you fast, you body focuses on other matters in the body other than digesting food. And so, in theory, fasting should help when you're sick.

It hasn't helped me!

Anyway, it's also made it hard to spend time with God... Real quality time. But He's always talking... It's just these darn clogged ears! :)

I know that the LORD is the God of Healing. By Jesus' stripes I am healed. I know. So I know that this is just a distraction to keep me from God... Which I will not allow to happen. I will press on! I will push forward! I will see God's goals for my life for 2005 fulfilled! AMEN!

Plans for our cathedral/church

2005-01-12T17:00:00.000-05:00

I'm sick and tired of the building we're in. What a pain it is when you are trying to serve and worship God, and do His will, but you are not allowed to fully use the building you are in. The days of renting are over. The days of having non-believers dictating what, where, when and how we worship God is over! AMEN! HALLELUJAH! Last night at our prayer meeting, GOD brought a few thoughts back to mind. I've been thinking about these things for the last couple of months, but the idea and vision as a whole came together last night. You'll notice that I use the pronoun "we". The reason is that this is a decision and a plan that needs to be executed by my church, led by my pastors. And I am more than willing to do more than my share to see this come to pass. Anyway, here is the plan.

1. We need to decide exactly what we need out of a cathedral... And we should not minimize it!

a) We need parking for at least 100 cars (even if it is on the street)
b) We need classrooms
c) We need a sanctuary that seats at least 500
d) We need a sanctuary that is heated
e) We need a kitchen that can serve a meal for 200 people
f) We need an area that can be converted into a coffee shop/lounge
g) We need a fellowship room for after services by the coffee shop
h) We need a gymnasium where kids can run around, with basketball nets!
i) etc... This is still in the works with the pastors.

2. We need to put together a professional fund-raising campaign and presentation.

The reason for this is that, right now, we don't have many people with deep pockets in our church. However, I believe that there are many wealthy people and companies just waiting for us to present to them our vision, and they would be more than happy to support and fund us to buy our new cathedral.

3. We need to decide on an amount that would be "sufficient" to buy our cathedral.

$1,000,000?

4. We need to make a huge fund-raiser poster to put in the sanctuary on Sunday.

This would give everyone a visual of how our campaign is going and to encourage everyone to own the vision and to do their part.

5. Last, we need to declare, promote, and display our vision of our cathedral.

When we see it with our eyes of faith... Then we will be able to conceive it in the natural as well!

Feeling Depressed

2005-01-12T14:19:00.000-05:00

I'm not having a good day at work... I'm really frustrated... I'm not a computer technician, but that's been the bulk of my work. I'm also sick and tired of not knowing how long I'll be here. I'm sick and tired of not having any definite direction for my career. I'M ALL OVER THE PLACE!

I'm tired of working in technology.

I want to get planted in the career/ministry I'll be working in for the rest of my life!

I'm tired of not knowing where I'm going. I'm tired of doing crap I don't like. I'm tired of working just for a paycheck!!!!

What's my dream job... It involves music (playing, listening)... It involves writing (on the web, blogging, screenplays, movies, maybe a book)... It involves teaching... Being with people... Talking to people about Jesus... It has to be creative in nature... And it pays well!

Is there a job like that out there? I don't know!!

But I refuse to allow depression to enter my life ever again. Even though I may not like where I am... It is GOD's will for my life right now. I just pray for some breakthrough for me and my wife.

My Future, My Prospering, My Goals - 2005

2005-01-10T13:20:00.000-05:00

Isaiah 40:1-5; Isaiah 55:12-13; Isaiah 49:8-9

I have a LOT of ideas. I want to do so much. But invariably, I get overwhelmed or frustrated that I barely get anything done. Maybe it's also been because I have never felt like I knew what was really my purpose and my reason for being on this earth. 2005, I believe, is a very different year. And so I am focusing on 10 things I want to accomplish or see come to pass in my life this year. I know that each one is part of a bigger picture for my life, but at the same time are all interconnected in some way I have yet to fully see or understand. I just humbly and prayerfully lay them at my LORD's feet and leave many of the details into His care.

1. Put together a fund-raising campaign, and buy our cathedral!!!
2. Baby - Cindy and I are actively praying and "working" at this one... And a number of people have said we'd have twins... We'll see :)
3. Have a family income of $100,000/year - This is Cindy's, but I am agreeing and believing with her. Once she gets a full-time position, we will basically be there.
4. Buy a single-family home - this again is Cindy's, but I am agreeing with her and riding her faith on this one. With the market the way it is, and our finances the way they are, it WILL require a miracle from GOD. But He's more than able!
5. Put together business plan for the 24/7 House of Prayer & Praise - it will be a non-profit organization, so I need to get some info of how they are run.
6. Put together business plan for my coffee shop idea - incorporate the name.
7. Put together business plan for the traffic/driving awareness program.
8. Establish Project Revelation as a real, viable, working company - look into incorporating it.
9. Be consumer debt free
10. Go to Kansas City to visit their International House of Prayer.

Setting Priorities

2005-01-07T09:45:00.000-05:00

There's a lot I want to write about -- nothing new -- and with three separate blogs and a church web-site, I've got the space and place, just not the time. However, I read something today that I received in my email from one of those daily "God's Promises" emails. (If you want to get that email just click here and subscribe to the "God's Daily Promises". Be careful, there's other ones there too. Make sure you read carefully before you click anything. That's how spamming starts!) So that's where I want to start.

__________________________________________

Seeking God's will first brings perspective

How do I set priorities?

". . .And He will give you all you need from day to day if you live for Him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. "

Matthew 6:33

Be intentional about priorities. Set them and tend to them first. Only then will your life have its fullest meaning.
__________________________________________

That's a new way of putting Matthew 6:33. The more traditional translations sound more like this: "But seek first His Kingdom and His Righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." I know this. I know it's good. I know it's true. And if you've been a Christian for some time, you know this as well.

But how hard is it to do in such a society as ours?! How hard is it to put God as our top priority every day?! I'm not making excuses and I'm not shirking my responsibility, but honestly, with work, family, friends, church (!?! Yeah, church responsibilities CAN be devoid of any service/worship to GOD) and your own needs/wants, how do you practically make God your priority?

Well, every day, we make something our priority based on many factors: ease of doing it, brings joy or happiness, brings money, get instant or fairly quick results/fruit from it, etc. So, we do prioritize. Where your heart is, that is where you will put your priorities.

Let's not kid ourselves. The reason you don't take part in more things with the church or do more things for God is that, deep down inside, you have other priorities. But the reality is, as God's children, He is our number one priority... At least He should be. And the great thing about it, when we do make Him our number one priority, then ALL the other stuff will be taken care of. Boy, THAT is where, I believe most of us get hung up. We don't really believe everything else will be taken care of. And I think I have the reason why. We separate the two!

Serving God and make Him a priority is one thing. Prayer, worship time, service, that is all separate and for God. BUT, my work, my family, my needs are a whole other entity that require my attention and time as well. NO.

When we change the way we view what service and worship to God is, then we can see that it is all part of the same thing. Why are we so dualistic (I don't know if that's the right word here) in the west. We need a more holistic approach to life. WHATEVER we do, we must do it as if we are doing it for the LORD. Heard that one before? (1 Corinthians 10:31)

I think too many Christians take Matthew 6:33, and say, "OK, I'll give God my morning devotion time." What? That's 10 minutes? 30 minutes? Maybe 1 hour? Don't get me wrong that's great... But then what about the rest of the day? God doesn't want us all to become monks and "worship" Him 24/7 (though there may be some of us out there). But He does want us to put Him at the forefront of everything we do. In that way, we do put Him first in all things!

I remember a few years back when I was a TA at Condordia University. I was administrating a lab exam. And there was this Indian student (from India, not native), and before every question, I saw him put his hands together, bow his head, and mutter something under his breath. He was praying (to some hindu god). I was amazed at how he was giving each question to his god before he even attempted it. Now, maybe it was because he wasn't prepared and he did not know what he was doing (he failed the exam). Nevertheless, the point was that even in such a small, seemingly insignificant thing, his god was made a priority.

How often do we do that? How often do we recognize the our God, the True and Living God, the One and Only God, has given us everything we have: family, friends, work, church, clothes, food. How often do we thank and praise Him for all that. You know, I am so thankful to God for the first two and a half years of marriage with Cindy, during which we went through some real tough financial times. Once we went two weeks eating instant noodles because we could not buy anything else. But it taught us to trust God for all our needs. The amazing thing was that even though we were VERY tight on cash, working part-time only (unable to find full-time work), we never lacked. We never missed a mortgage payment. We never missed a car payment. We never missed a meal, for a reason other than fasting... And trust me, we did not fast all that much in those first couple of years.

So how do we put God first, practically. I think, again, the Apostle Paul gives us the clue. "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

Be blessed!

Obeying God brings great joy

2005-01-03T11:52:00.000-05:00

Obeying God brings great joy

How can I be happy in the midst of difficult circumstances?

"Dear friends, don't be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through. . . . Instead, be very gladbecause . . . You will have the wonderful joy of sharing his glory. "

1 Peter 4: 12-13 NLT

As 2005 has started, I am on fire for God. I am so happy. I am so full of joy. But 2004 was a tough year. I was "joking" last year in January, saying "it's been a tough year!" And the year was only a couple of weeks old. But it was: Financially, relationally, career-wise, family-wise, church-wise. I was unsure of who I was, where I was going or even what I wanted to do. I went through many fiery trials.

But, now as those trials have ended I can look back and see that they were for my good. They made me strong. They "forced" me to grow. So don't be alarmed or freaked out by trials. Yes, they are tough at the moment, but you will come out of them, and when you do you will see the great and positive change. So learn to be glad, because the joy that comes is so great! Thank you, LORD!

Father, thank you so much that I could share in your glory on this earth and at this time. May Your light in me shine bright in 2005 for others to see You and come to You!

Happy New Year.

2005-01-03T11:02:00.000-05:00

Well, Happy New Year!

It's been a while since I've written anything, but the holidays were really good. I have to thank and praise God for that. Christmas day was actually enjoyable from start to finish (You have to understand that, with my family, eventually, someone will invariably say something that will hurt or offend another family member, or we'll get into some big argument--it's not that we're bad people, it's the way we learnt to talk and deal with out feelings... But it DIDN'T happen this year! I had a really good time with my folks, my brother and his wife).

With my first posting of 2005, I want to send out a blessing to anyone who is reading this (all one of you :). But how many people are reading this is unimportant. What is important is that I am declaring this over the web!

2005 is a year of the Lord's favour... If you will believe it! For the last month and a half, that's all that I've been hearing, reading and seeing... The Lord's favour! Ultimately, what that means is that we will receive preferential treatment when we go to work, or school, or church, or when we meet others, when we try to close a deal or a sale, or in what ever other area you can think of. It doesn't mean will will not have to do our part. But it DOES mean we will see results we weren't expecting, if we're persistent enough. Let me explain with two examples out of my own life.

The first is how Cindy and I bought our house. At the time (nearly three years ago), I was only working part-time as a teacher at Dawson, and my contract was up in June. We were getting married in May. Cindy was only working part-time and was in school. I had huge amounts of debt, plus car payments. My debt ratio was insanely high (your debt ratio is some calculation banks do that compares your salary to your debts... And normally, it should be less that 30% or so... I was somewhere over 40 or 50!!!) We also did not have to down payment for the house. But I believed that this house was to be ours. I believed God would give it to us. At that time, I had no concept of God's favour... But nevertheless I believe God would do it for me. And what did He do?

Well, we got approved for the loan (miracle #1) and I didn't close all my other debts (miracle #2). We got the house for $18,000 less than the asking price (miracle #3). I moved in one week before our wedding (miracle #4). The monetary gifts from our wedding paid our down payment and more (miracle #5). And we got to live in the house rent/mortgage payment free for three months (miracle #6). THAT is the favour of the Lord.

The second example happened more recently. Cindy and I applied for a line of credit so that we could consolidate our consumer debt. I still had a whack-load of debt, plus our tax return payments for 2003, which we could not pay due to our financial situation (I still was only working part-time as was Cindy). Anyway, we had been to the Royal Bank, and they declined us because my debt ratio was too high. Besides the payments would have been over $500 a month, and we could not handle that (I was missing payments on the credit cards because we were paying over $500 a month on them). So on Cindy's faith, we went to the National Bank and asked for a line of credit, which is actually more difficult to get than a personal loan, because the payment plan is more flexible. To make a long story short, we got it... And the only reason is the favour of the Lord!

So go out in 2005 and believe that God's favour is upon you in everything you do. Expect to be blessed. Expect to receive preferential treatment. Expect to get the unexpected!

Be blessed.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2004-12-23T10:11:00.000-05:00

I may not be able to get to a computer for the next couple of days, so I just wanted to send out a Christmas blessing! May your holidays be filled with love, joy, hope, and happiness. And may the love of God fill your whole being!

Be blessed!

Success... What is it? (part 4)

2004-12-22T16:25:00.000-05:00

I really like the commentary to Joshua 1:8 in the Amplified Translation. It writes, "This is the only place in the early English versions where the word "success" is found. The secret of success is given in verses 5 through 9. Joshua accepted Moses' place of leadership without misgivings. God's will for him was his will, and he did not hesitate. To go "all out" for God was already habitual with him; it is the unfailing prerequisite of eternal success (Deut. 6:3-5; Ps. 1:1-3; Luke 10:25-28)."

So, do you want the secret to success? Here it is:

"No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you. Be strong (confident) and of good courage, for you shall cause this people to inherit the land which I swore to their fathers to give them. Only you be strong and very courageous, that you may do according to all the law which Moses My servant commanded you. Turn not from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may prosper wherever you go. This Book of the Law shall not depart out of your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, that you may observe and do according to all that is written in it. For then you shall make your way prosperous, and then you shall deal wisely and have goodsuccess. Have not I commanded you? Be strong, vigorous, and very courageous. Be not afraid, neither be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." - Joshua 1:5-9

Hmmmm? So to be success means (i) being strong, (ii) and courageous, (iii) keep God's law, (iv) let it not depart form our mouths, (v) meditate on it, (vi) observe, (vi) and do it. But if you look at those verses more closely, really what are they saying?

Well, if I may, what I see here is that success really means having God by your side. Success means that God will never forsake you or fail you. THEN we will prosper and "have success".

But, how do we know God is with us? What does success look like?

Does this answer our questions or just open up a whole slew of new ones? Hmmm...

Success... What Is It? (part 3)

2004-12-20T14:21:00.000-05:00

As I mentioned in my previous post, the word success is actually only used once in the King James Translation. It is found in Joshua 1:8. And it comes from the Hebrew word sakal.

Now, this is not the only time we find sakal in the Old Testament, even though it is the only occurrence of the word success (in the early English translations). In other instances in the Old Testament (and there's over 60 instances) of the word sakal, it has been translated into the words understand or understanding, wise, wisely, or wisdom, prosper, consider, instruct, prudent, skill, teach, guiding, wittingly, behaved, skillful and, of course, success.

Interesting spread of words. No where in those words do I see any indication of success being some kind of destination or goal. Instead it seems to be very vague, at least vague to those who like things concrete, practical and in absolutes.

To me all these words give a sense of learning and growing; something that does not actually end. Because, we can always learn more, grow in deeper understanding (just ask a Microbiologist), have more wisdom, grow more skillful. Even when you are the best at something, say the fastest runner, you can always train more to gain that extra 1/100th of a second.

Well, I suppose we can then say that success is a journey, as John Maxwell put it.

But you know what. That also means that you are, or you can be, a success RIGHT NOW!

Think about it. Comment on it. I'll write more about that tomorrow.

Be blessed.

Success... What Is It? (part 2)

2004-12-17T15:05:00.000-05:00

Did you know that in the King James Translation, there is only one use of the word success?

You'll find it in Joshua 1:8, and it reads, "This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success."

Interesting, eh!?

When I looked up the Hebrew word used here, it was sakal, pronounced saw-kal'. It's Biblical uses range as follows:
1. To be prudent, be circumspect, wisely understand, prosper
a) (active verb) to be prudent, be circumspect
b) (passive verb)
i) to look at or upon, have insight
ii) to give attention to, consider, ponder, be prudent
iii) to have insight, have comprehension
- insight, comprehension (subst)
iv) to cause to consider, give insight, teach
- the teachers, the wise
v) to act circumspectly, act prudently, act wisely
vi) to prosper, have success
vii) to cause to prosper
2. (intensive active verb) to lay crosswise, cross (hands)

Interesting, eh!?

The Amplified translation adds this to the verse: "This Book of the Law shall not depart out of your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, that you may observe and do according to all that is written in it. For then you shall make your way prosperous, and then you shall deal wisely and have good success. [This is the only place in the early English versions where the word "success" is found. The secret of success is given in verses 5 through 9. Joshua accepted Moses' place of leadership without misgivings. God's will for him was his will, and he did not hesitate. To go "all out" for God was already habitual with him; it is the unfailing prerequisite of eternal success (Deut. 6:3-5; Ps. 1:1-3; Luke 10:25-28).]"

Interesting, eh!?

There's no mention of success being a destination... Or even having anything to do with money, wealth, power or possessions. Hmmm? The word prosper only shows up three times in that definition above. And even that word has been twisted in its meaning. We often equate prosperity with financial prosperity, but it actually has a more holistic definition. Prosperity refers to a total, whole body/person prosperity, from health, wealth, emotions, relationships, etc...

There's a lot to chew on here. I'll leave it at that for now. I welcome your comments.

Be blessed!

Success... What Is It?

2004-12-16T12:48:00.000-05:00

If I were to throw out the question, "What do you think success is?" I am sure I would get as many different answers as people have different hair colour. Weird analogy, but I think you get my point.

Nevertheless, I think the majority of people do view it as a destination; as a goal to get to; as a "place" you are not at yet, but hope to be someday; or something to that effect. The typical mentality would be something like, "I'm not quite there... Yet." And I suppose, many Christian view "ultimate" success as "getting" to heaven. (Why all the " "? Well, I'm not sure how each person really sees these things. We all have a different view or understanding of what "ultimate" means and even what "getting" to heaven means... But I am not a fan of arguing semantics, though I know that it IS important to get our definitions in order... But I digress)

Can I throw out four areas that most people would define as symbols or markers of success (sure I can... It is my blog :):

1. Wealth
2. Specific & Worthwhile Possessions
3. Power
4. Achievement

Can we agree that for every person, each of these could--and probably does--mean something different, when you consider specifics in a person's life? And, can we also agree that your own definition of success probably has some element of one or more of these?

Well, the Scriptures definitely have a different view of what success is. And that's what I'm looking at. Will you now allow me to throw out a hypothesis? And will you join me as I seek out an answer to what success is?

Now, I read this definition from the book "Your Road Map For Success," by John C. Maxwell, so it's not necessarily my original idea. But, it did spark something in my mind. And since John Maxwell is a Christian and a pastor, I wanted to see if this definition was founded in Scripture. Here is the definition:

Success is...
knowing your purpose in life,
growing to reach your maximum potential, and
sowing seeds that benefit others.

It certainly sounds Christian... Well, it mentions sowing seeds... And serving :) Ultimately, John Maxwell describes success as a journey and not a destination. Hmmm... Sounds interesting. But, again, is it Scriptural?

That's where my search begins. And I'll share with you what I've found so far in my next post.

Disclaimer: By no means do I profess myself to be an expert. I am just one who does not accept things at face value, and nor should you. I don't just absorb things from "pastors" and accept them as truth, without asking questions and seeking God for my own answers. Often, I come to the same conclusions... But, often enough, I have not, and have had to disagree with the "teacher". Ultimately, I stand before God, and God alone, to judge my heart and my actions... So He's the only one I am trying to please. So feel free to comment (I will not engage in a debate or argument though) and glean anything that may be of worth to you. BE BLESSED!

Correction to December 6th Post

2004-12-16T11:58:00.000-05:00

OK... So it wasn't an outline for the next week... :)
Hey, there's some meaty stuff here, and when I don't fully get it, how can I write about it, eh?!
Besides... I sometimes have trouble getting my priorities straight :)

Merry Christmas! Happy Birthday Jesus!

Outline for this Week

2004-12-06T16:56:00.000-05:00

Well, God is doing a number on me... like He hasn't been all this time... but I think I'm starting to see where it's all going. There's a bunch of stuff I want to write about... for one, I want to finish the "10 Emerging Prophetic Shifts", but I'm still meditating on Day 4... I will write more on that.

Anyway, here's what I will be looking at and writing about thyis week:

1. Definition of Success from Scripture.
2. How to get people to catch your vision... from a Scriptural point of view.
3. Some thoughts on the 4th commandment: "Honour your father and mother..."
4. I want to share my vision for a 24/7 prayer & worship centre.

I guess that's it right now, but I'm sure there will be more... God is always talking... but are we always listening?

10 Emerging Prophetic Shifts - Day 4

2004-11-23T13:42:00.000-05:00

I'm stuck on day 4... I haven't even gone through what Chuck Pierce says in his word. Let me first share Chuck's words, and then I'll explain a little.

4. New Warfare strategies of recovery and reversal of fortune.

Chuck first mentions that we need to sit before the LORD and ask Him to give us the mind for recovery. Then he says to read 1 Samual 30:6-8. We need to encourage ourselves in the LORD, and not just look at our "bad" situation!

Read Jeremiah 30. LORD, give us an understanding of the power if restoration. LORD, we pray through Haggai 1-2. LORD, we decree that ALL disinterest, disillusionment, and discouragement will break from us! Father, we pray for every building project that You have placeed before us--which includes our ministries, our church, and even actually physical buildings. LORD, unlock that silver and gold these projects will need.

I have not been able to get past this. When I read each one of those passages above, it stirred something in me. We just came off of a week long conference. During that conference, many things were declared and taught and said, and God stirred up some dreams I thought were dead. BUT, I want to make sure that it is God and that it is His right timing before I say or do anything. That's why I am spending some time on this. I know there are projects He wants started... and if it is from the God of Heaven and Earth, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, the "silver and gold" will be released. Amen.

Be blessed.

10 Emerging Prophetic Shifts - Day 3

2004-11-17T14:06:00.000-05:00

3. New strategies concerning supply and the transference of wealth.

Today I read 1 Kings 17, 2 Kings 4, and Mark 12:41-44. All of these passages have to do with God's provision, God's "financial" or material blessing, and giving from our need or our lack, not form our surplus.

These are not new or novel ideas. Anyone who reads his Bible with an open heart knows that God is a God of blessing. He wants to bless us, even in this world. It is NOT some higher form of Christianity to be poor or to voluntarily want to be poor or just have the "basic" needs. I am not saying that Christians will not be poor or in trouble financially sometimes. Occasionally, we make very bad decisions (I'm still living with a lot of bad decision I had made from about ages 18-28). There is wisdom we need to use and obey to see financial prosperity. BUT if you believe the lie that money is evil or that it is prideful to be well-off, you in essence close the door to God's blessings.

Look at the stories in 1 Kings 17 and 2 Kings 4. If those people in the stories did not believe that they deserved to be blessed, or wanted to stay in their poverty, they would not have obeyed the "men of God" and they would not have been blessed by God.

We need to believe that God wants to bless. We need to believe that God CAN bless. We need to believe that He WILL bless us.

We have to break out of our pragmatic and physical-world thinking. God can bring us our provisions in whatever way HE wants to... Through Ravens, through oil being poured into other jars, by simply having a man of God declare something over you... Whatever way HE wants!

O LORD, I decree over my life that the spirit of poverty will not speak and deceive me this year. LORD show me how I may multiply my resources. LORD, I ask You to give me favour with your creditors. And Father, teach me and show me how to give according to Your ways. Break the spirit of greed and/or covetousness in my bloodline. I reject this curse over my family... and from this day forward, me and my house will serve the LORD!

Be blessed.

Forgiveness -- a Hard Thing to Do

2004-11-17T10:12:00.000-05:00

Forgiveness is very hard to do sometimes. But it is a command!

Today I read an article on the Elijah List, entitled "Forgiveness of Former Wounds." Read it. It's really good. I could not do it justice here... Especially since this is an area I am struggling with right now.

The question I keep asking is, "How can you keep forgiving someone, who seems to be clueless to the hurt they are causing you and are sometimes unwilling to change that even when you confront them?"

What makes all this the more difficult is that I am a very introverted person... I am also a peacemaker... So for me to rock the boat is difficult. I'll often rather take the offense or hurt or, even, abuse, than to confront and cause "more" trouble. I'll keep everything bottled up inside, in the hopes that I won't exasperate the situation. It is a coping mechanism from my childhood. When my parents would fight, I would keep everything bottled up so as not to cause more trouble... I saw my brother speak out and that would just cause the fighting to escalate.

Now, to borrow a phrase from Dr. Phil, "How's that working for ya?!" It's not! But I don't know what else to do.

Without getting into specifics, there is a person in my life that continues to hurt me, disrespect me, and in their actions and words, devalue me. This person is some one very close to me, and someone I wish I could have a healthy and good relationship with. BUT, when I do mention this to them, they shrug it off as my problem, like they don't have this problem... Or they flatly deny any such wrong doing and promptly 2 seconds later put me down again.

I have forgive this person many times before, but where is the limit? Where is the point where I am "allowed" to end this? I know God is my justice and He'll take care of the wrongs towards me... But how long do I have to endure the repeated pain?

I guess all I can do is pray as Robert Ricciardelli prayed in his article, "Holy Spirit, I pray that you will bring remembrance to past wounds only to check our hearts for true and full forgiveness to those who have afflicted us. Father, we realize that it is a command and we also realize that if we do not, then even our sins will not be forgiven. Father, of myself, I can do nothing, and in no way have the strength, courage, and obedience to forgive. But, Father, in you and through the power of the Holy Spirit, who lives in me, I choose to forgive all of them that you have brought to my remembrance, in Jesus' name. I even go further and ask you to bless them that did this to me and make yourself known to them Father, in Jesus' mighty name, Amen!"

10 Emerging Prophetic Shifts - Day 2

2004-11-16T16:12:00.000-05:00

2. New emerging strategies that will cause us to have the right word to change legal structures.

Chuck wrote, "This is where the real war over our nation lies."

I read Acts 3-5. In a nutshell, Peter and John heal a lame beggar, begin to teach about Jesus, get arrested by the religious leaders, are freed by an angel, preach the Gospel some more, are arrested again, but this time they are flogged and then released based on the idea that if it is not from GOD, their movement would fizzle out. And the famous words are uttered: "It's necessary to obey God rather than men." (see acts 5:29) Please don't take that verse out of context. They were being ordered not to preach the Gospel. The disciples were not breaking any "legal" laws... The religious leaders simply did not like their preaching.

There is more that happens, but, I believe, the point is made. The early Church had a boldness we often lack today. And that boldness led then to confront many legal structures and legalistic-religious structures of their time.

LORD, I pray give us a new boldness in our spirit. Let Your boldness rest on us. Holy Spirit deal with all our infirmities through Jesus Christ our Lord. All we need is Jesus, and we can walk in full boldness and strength. Father, I also ask that you show each one of us, Your children, our place of involvement concerning the legal structures around us. Give us Your way to deal with the injustices, unrighteousness, and ungodliness in our world.

Read Colossians 2. This passage is all about legalism and a religious spirit. It is so easy to be deceived and to believe that what we think and believe is absolutely the truth and Scripturally sound, when often it is not. Often, our believes are based on some kind of tradition or opinion or personal taste. The Gospel has nothing to do with personal taste. The Gospel is Truth for ALL people. Lord show us and remove any areas in our lives that might be operating under any religious legalism. We are free in Christ of all man-made rules, and we are free to worship and serve God based on His Word.

Be blessed

Are you light and salt?

2004-11-15T09:09:00.000-05:00

I've just been thinking a lot about the church and Christians in general... Especially, from a North American viewpoint... And even more so, from a Quebecois viewpoint, where we have possibly the smallest population of Christian in the west.

Some of my frustrations with other Christians is how we do NOT portray the love of Christ, and GOD's values and virtues to our world and communities. I'm sorry if I offend you, but we do such a crappy job of showing our world how awesome it is to be a child of GOD and to be Christian... In general... I know there are some really awesome examples in our world.

We're often viewed as dimwitted (George W. Bush?), close-minded, right-leaning, conservative, gun-toting psychos. Or, depressed, unhappy, "poverty"-stricken, boring rejects.

I don't know about you, but the Scriptures do not paint this kind of picture for our lives.

I'm reading a book entitled, "Being the Body," by Chuck Colson, founder and chairman of Breakpoint online and founder of Prison Fellowship Ministries, and Ellen Vaughn. I'm not here to review it or recommend it or anything like that. BUT, Chuck does make some powerful observations and comments about Christianity. In the chapters that I am reading presently, he is writing about being salt and light to this world. Most of us understand that being light in this world means bringing the light of Jesus to the world, for He is the light of all men. But do we really understand what it means to be salt?

Well, what is salt? What is it used for? There are two traditional purposes of salt... And probably the two purposes Jesus was speaking about when He first mentioned it to His disciples. One is that salt is used to bring out the taste of food, but it needs to penetrate into the food. That's why it needs to be cooked with the food. Often, if the salt is just on the surface, you haven't really done anything to the food. The second is that salt was (and often still is) used as a preservative. With no fridges and freezers, people used to preserve their meats with salt.

Think about that. Think about what that means for you for where you are. It is NOT good for us to keep our Christianity in the four walls of our churches, and then forget about Christ the rest of the week. Wherever we are, in school as students, teachers, administrators, at work as employees or managers or board members, even as ministers, we should be penetrating into our world and bringing it taste and preserving that which is good.

That brings a couple ideas to mind. First, this world is good!!!! Whoa! That breaks some mindsets, eh! GOD made this world good, but it takes "salty" Christians to bring out the goodness. Secondly, our world is decaying, and it needs salty Christians to preserve that which is good.

I can't tell you what that means for you. I can't tell you what you have to do to be a salty Christian. But we must be! We must be a presence in this world and not as outsiders and outcasts, but as active and useful members of society.

That's why it's important to vote (not necessarily for the "Christian" candidate, but because it's the right thing to do). That's why it's SO important to get involved in your community. That's why it's important to be a good neighbour. That's why you should be one of the best employees your boss has. That's why our churches should be filled with every Christian working their butts off to make their church the most attractive thing to non-believers!

Let's wake up people. We need each and every part of the body working on all cylinders!

Be blessed.

10 Emerging Prophetic Shifts - Day 1 (continued)

2004-11-12T16:04:00.000-05:00

I know it's now spilling over to day 3, but there is so much here that I wanted to really think about it and meditate on it. I still didn't do all that much meditating (it's been a very busy "work" week).

In Day 1, Chuck Pierce also mentions to meditate on Joshua 1-3. A real brief synopsis of it is Moses is dead, Joshua is made the new leader, and the people of Israel are about to enter into their promised land. The LORD gives them (and us!) a number of instructions and promises.

Some of the main ideas (at least from my perspective) were:
1. Joshua 1:2-5 - GOD is giving the promised land, and will never leave us!
2. Joshua 1:6-9 - keep and obey God's commands
3. Joshua 1:11 - we must TAKE the land GOD is giving us
4. Joshua 2 - GOD has gone ahead and already prepared the victory for us!
5. Joshua 2 - there may well be covenant relationships with people we would not expect
6. Joshua 3:5 - we must sanctify ourselves

There is a LOT more there than just that. But ultimately, what God is saying is that we must prepare ourselves for victory! Victory is ours, just as it was the Israelites. In fact, had they walked in faith 40 years ago, they would have entered the promised land then. They instead listened to the negative report of the 10 spies, and spent forty years in the desert... as well as, ever person who had complained and grumbled, died in the desert.

Listen, now is not a time to grumble or murmur. Now is not a time to turn our backs to GOD. Now is not the time to be slack and apathetic and have a "wait-and-see" attitude. We must jump on the wave, and move through our Jordan into our promised land. Ready to "fight" for the land God has promised us. Ready to reclaim our cities and nations back to God. Be prepared for victory. Sanctify yourself.

Listen closely to what God would have you do. The smallest things ARE important. You never know how big of an impact your little act will have. Look at Rahab. She was a traitor to her nation and city. She risked her life on two sides... turning against her own king and trusting two spies she did not know. Ultimately, she trusting in GOD. And she became the grandmother of King David, and a descendant of the Messiah!

Be blessed

10 Emerging Prophetic Shifts - Day 1

2004-11-10T13:59:00.000-05:00

This is based on Chuck Pierce's 10-Day Prayer Focus to Decree & Emerge into your Promises Ahead!

1. A New Passion in God's prophetic people to be holy and separated out of and unto His purposes.
This has been my heart's desire for a while, because I feel like I haven't been doing anything... That I am not walking and serving in my calling, but rather JUST serving--wherever and doing whatever that may lead to. That does not make me happy. I long to be in the place God has prepared for me. I long for the work God has prepared for me. I know all this is preparation, but it is NOT my final destination in this lifetime.

Colossians 1 was the passage Chuck mentions for this first day along with this thought: "Ask God to reveal any unholy, besetting sin within you that could affect your conscience and allow Satan's seducing, condemning voice to speak subtly in your ear."

We often don't even realize how easily we veer off the path. It's not usually done on purpose, but it's often little compromises and little side-steps off God's path.

But the great thing is that we have Christ in us (see verse 27)! The Gospel, which is in us, bears fruit and gets larger and stronger. Notice, that's an automatic. We don't really do anything, except for hoping, believing and keeping faith. God does the growing!

Paul's prayer touched me again... Just like yesterday! He writes in verses 9-12, "Be assured that from the first day we heard of you, we haven't stopped praying for you, asking God to give you wise minds and spirits attuned to his will, and so acquire a thorough understanding of the ways in which God works. We pray that you'll live well for the Master, making him proud of you as you work hard in his orchard. As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work. We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul--not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us."

I pray that God gives me a wise mind and a spirit attuned to His will, and so to acquire a thorough understanding of the ways in which GOD works! I want to learn more and more how GOD works, so that I can learn to do my work!!!! Lord give me the strength that will endure and spill over into joy, regardless of the circumstances! AMEN! AMEN! I find my purpose in You and You alone, O LORD! Grow me in maturity. Grow me in a basic faith in You! Christ alone! No more, no less! Thank you, Father!

This is my Prayer

2004-11-09T13:47:00.000-05:00

I'm coming out of this "tunnel". I'm targetting the thing that bugs and frustrates me the most... the secular routines and rituals that have made their way into the church... in other words, the sacred cows we hold as irrefutable doctine... as sacred as Scripture. From another point of view, that also includes the adoption of non-Scriptural but seemily good secular ideas and structues... I'm sure some may have validity in the context of the Church as an organization, but I know we are more than that.

Anyway, I was reading Philippians yesterday, and I didn't get very far before something touched my heart.

“So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud
of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God.” - Philippians 1:9-11

This is what I want to strive for... not titles... not positions... not money... not fame... not "success" (not in the secular sense)... not even approval (at least not man's)... I want to strive that my love (and yours!) will flourish! That I will not only love much but WELL! LORD, teach me to love appropriately. Help me to use my head and test my feelings, so that my love will be intelligent and sincere, and not just sentimental gush! Teach me, O LORD, to live a lover's life, one that You are proud of. So that, Jesus may be attractive to all, and getting everyone involved in Your glory and praises, O my LORD!

Be blessed!

What's going on?

2004-11-02T12:30:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine recently shared with me that they have been having very strong feelings or urges to kill themself... or at least to die. They thought they were going crazy and that it was weird or strange, especially since they are a Christian, and a pretty hardcore, fired-up Christian at that. BUt, I do not find that weird or strange. I went through a 13+ year depression, and about 5 of those years was as a hardcore, fired-up Christian. At its worse, and right before the LORD healed me of it, I was praying, hoping, begging that God would take my life, either by being hit by a bus or speeding car or that a group of thugs would beat me to death... basically because I knew I could never take my own life.

Is that weird?! Is that shocking!?

WHAT!? A Christian feels that way!

I say, "Get off your self-righteous high-chair!"

Sorry about that, but there is so much going on out there, both in the visible and in the invisible realms, that we cannot know everything. All I know is THAT is the way I have felt in the past, and lately, that is how I feel. Is it non-Scriptural? No, of course not! There are examples of people, GREAT men and women of God, who were depressed, and, yes, some wanted to die!

Job is maybe the best example! Then there is David, where he reveals in his Psalms the great sorrow and pain he felt at times. There is Abraham sulking in his tent.

Sometimes circumstances out of our control heep heavy burdens on our hearts. Sometimes it is purely a spiritual attack. Though I don't give the devil that much credit. He's only able to do what God allows him, and so if it is a spiritual attack, it probably is something God is trying to teach you, train you, discipline you and/or grow you in.

So what am I talking about. I don't know. All I know is that I am sick and tired of where I am in my life. But I don't know what the next step is. And God seems VERY silent in that regard right now. I'm tired of being abused... verbally and relationally... that's a weird one, eh. Relational abuse!

What do I mean by that? Well, we all know what a relationship is. And we all have different definitions and levels of relationships in our lives. Well, when certain expectations or standards in a particular relationship are not met by one of the parties... then I guess that can be considered abuse... especially if it affects your emotions and health and the relationship with that other party.

WOW... that's as unspecific as someone can be without being totally in the clouds, eh!

This is far from over... but that's it for today!

Tune back in... same BAT-time, same BAT-channel.

Having A Hard Time Praying

2004-10-19T15:51:00.000-04:00

Prayer...
It's the lifeblood of a follower of Christ, a chaser of God.
Prayer has been defined as spiritual breathing... well, I guess I've been holding my breath for a while.

I don't know what it is, but I have had no desire to schedule off a time to "spend" with God. As I've mentioned before, I am a believer in the whole idea of practicing the presence of God, so God knows very well what I am going through. But there is something to be said about having a scheduled time with God where you read Scriptures, pray Scriptures, and petition God with your prayers (see Philippians 4:6-7). And, well, Ien having trouble with that.

I feel so burnt. I feel so tired. I feel like I do almost nothing for myself. I feel like I do not do anything I enjoy... except for playing bass and worshipping God that way.

But I know I need to come to God.

Maybe there's a sense of being ripped off. I know God is good, but somewhere deep inside my subconscious is a belief that it is too much hard work to get anything from God. I "know" it's not true, because Jesus Himself said:

"What father among you, if his son asks for a loaf of bread, will give him a stone; or if he asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, evil as you are, know how to give good gifts [gifts that are to their advantage] to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask and continue to ask Him!"

At the same time, I believe in being honest with God. And that's why I am sharing how I feel. I know God doesn't get mad or angry when I am honest with Him. He wants me to be honest. Nothing is more distasteful than someone who pretends everything is OK and good, but on the inside they are full of hate, anger, murderous thoughts, etc.

I use King David as my example. Look at some things he wrote:

- "I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness and will sing praise to the name of the LORD Most High." - Psalm 7:17
- "Praise be to the LORD , for he showed his wonderful love to me when I was in a besieged city." - Psalm 31:21
- "Sing praises to God, sing praises; sing praises to our King, sing
praises." - Psalm 47:6
- "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?" - Psalm 22:1
- "I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears." - Psalm 6:6
- "When I weep and fast, I must endure scorn;" - Psalm 69:10
- "You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound." - Psalm 4:7
- "Pour out your wrath on them; let your fierce anger overtake them." - Psalm 69:24

We see David showing emotions from joy and praise, to weeping and even anger or vengefulness. But David was always described as a "man after God's own heart." So, even though things don't seem to be going my way... at least in my eyes... I know that my God is for me and not against me. I know that He has a plan for my future, a plan to prosper me. Praise God!

Be blessed!

God works all things together for our good!

2004-10-15T12:43:00.000-04:00

NOTE: I started writing this post on Tuesday, October 5th, 2004, but I wasn't able to complete it, because it turned into a bit of an autobiography of the last 10 years, so here it is.

Something happened today (October 5th), and through it, God taught me a lesson that was ten years in the making!

There is a verse that my good friend, Frank, has been quoting to me since the first day we've met (around 8 years now). It is Romans 8:28, which says:

"We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things
work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love
God and are called according to [His] design and purpose."

This verse has helped me through various pains and struggles, but little did I know how true and how real this verse was to my whole life (BTW, this verse is true to all who are called according to His purposes... which means all of us!). Let me explain.

We often go through life, encountering difficulties, pains, obstacles, hurts, suffering, blessings, honours, mercies, and a whole lot more. Yet, we rarely know how each event connects to us and to our whole life. Rarely, and especially when you are in it, does a storm of life look like something beneficial for your future life. However, God uses ALL things for our good, even when we do not see it. What has happened in my own life is proof positive of God's faithfulness and goodness.

This part of the story begins about 10 years ago.

I graduated from Concordia University with a Bachelor's degree in Electrical Engineering in 1995. During those 9 and a half years, I started a Master's and never completed it. I worked for a company called Wavesat (which has completely changed since I worked there), and was laid off, along with 40 other employees, about 10 months later. I then went unemployed for another 10 months, at which point I landed a part-time teaching job at Dawson College. 8 months later, after months of fruitless job searching, I took a part-time job at a coffee shop called Pekarna. 4 months later, I was made manager at Pekarna. At the same time, I also managed to get some part-time teaching substitution work at Dawson each semester. But to say I was earning what my education supposedly said I deserved would be a lie.

During that time, I also got married and bought a triplex... which is a total miracle and a subject of a future post!

So here I was, an engineer by education, a part-time teacher and coffee-shop manager by profession, married, land-owner and over $20K in debt (not including my car and mortgage), and I was barely making $20K a year! On top of all that, I was unable to even land an interview for an engineering position... I've had a total of 5 interviews since I was laid off from Wavesat: 1 at Pekarna (got the job), 2 at a medical imaging company (did not get either position), and 2 at Dawson (one for the teaching positions and one for a technician position and I got both... the technician position is part of what I learnt from God!)

When you look at the last 10 years of my life, I have asked myself and God, "Why all this?" Each event looks so separate. Why have I had so much difficulty finding an engineering job... and I even thought and believed with all my heart that I had a great chance this summer at a position with Tyco Fire & Security, but even that fell through. I have had to work many hours, and many evening shifts to make ends meat, which then caused some relational difficulties between my wife and I (it's hard to maintain, forget about grow, a relationship when your wife is at work or school all day and you're working all night, and you SEE each other for half an hour each day).

I have thought and asked myself many times over the last four years if I had made a mistake with my career choices and my education. I felt like I wasted 10 years of my life, and if I extend it to my undergraduate studies, I have wasted 14 years of my life... that's almost half my lifetime!

BUT, as I said today God has shown me that everything I went through these past 10 years was not all for naught. Today I received my salary adjustment for the technician's position I got at Dawson. First off, I have to say that this job was totally God's provision. There are no teaching positions in my field at Dawson this or next semester, unless someone falls extremely ill, and the next part-timer in line does not want the job... which is unlikely, because he's been holding out for a full-time position for the last 6+ years, taking any and all courses thrown his way. Anyway, I also had to beat out another engineer who had much more experience than I did, and also had networking knowledge, which I don't. By God's grace, I did beat him out and I got my first full-time job in an engineering-related field in almost 4 years.

Here is where the really good news comes. The starting salary was $16.65/hr or so, which when you're making $10/hr plus tips and when you consider that it is a technicians job and not an engineering job, it is great! I had to also get them my school transcripts and letters of attestation of employment from my previous employers. With this information they would adjust my salary according to my experience. Well, I was expecting a dollar or two more. My wife and I were praying and hoping for something like $19/hr. What did God give me... well, with out giving out the actual salary, let me put it this way. I'm making more than I did while working at Wavesat as an engineer, at the same time I will never work overtime (because they have to pay extra and they are not willing to) while at Wavesat I was expected to work unpaid overtime... and I did, often working 60-70 hour weeks. The environment is almost totally stress free, while Wavesat was a pressure cooker of stress.

And what did God show me. All those years of supposed wasted time did eventually pay off. And when a full-time teaching position does become open (which according to the chair will happen in the next couple of years), my salary will go up a bit more again. This also now opens the door for me to apply for technician jobs in industry. Most companies refuse to hire engineers as technicians, because they fear that the engineer will demand too high a salary and eventually try to transfer to an engineering position... but working as a technician works better for me, because it offers me invaluable experience for my dream job of teaching!

So remember, no matter where you are, no matter what you are doing, no matter what the situation looks like to you... God uses it all. And if your heart is pure and for God... He does reward us and He does bless us!

"But without faith it is impossible to please and be satisfactory to Him. For whoever
would come near to God must [necessarily] believe that God exists and that He is
the rewarder of those who earnestly and diligently seek Him [out]."

"Jesus said, Truly I tell you, there is no one who has given up and left house
or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands for My sake and
for the Gospel's Who will not receive a hundred times as much now in this
time--houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with
persecutions--and in the age to come, eternal life."

Be Blessed!

Experience - necessary? real? - part 2

2004-10-01T16:04:00.000-04:00

In my last post, I concluded that experiencing God's truth in our lives is very necessary. God does not call us to blind faith. There are promises in His Word that MUST come true when we follow His ways... and come true on THIS earth in THIS time (see Mark 10:29-30). Otherwise, God would be a liar, and He cannot bear false witness to His Own Word. However, there is a point where what we experience, especially in the supernatural sense, has nothing to do with God and has no basis in God's Word.

I've heard people talk about their experiences as if it was God's Word and THE truth. Now, I do not deny that what people experience is a reality to them. It is real to them and it is true to them. But to equate that to God's Word and truth is dangerous. And Man has been doing that since the beginning of time. We've added, or we have tried to add, stuff to God's Word based on our experiences and what we think based on what we observe. But it doesn't work that way. God's Word is the same yesterday, today and forever!

It is dangerous to believe and trust in our experiences out of the light of the Gospel. Without the lamp of God's Word lighting our path, we simply stumble around in the dark.

Here are some examples of experiences that may or may not be from God, and do not necessarily have any Scriptural reference:

- When you come under the power of the Holy Spirit, you shake and tremble.
WORD Truth - though there are many examples of people trembling when in the
presence of God's power, nothing is specifically said about shaking or
trembling under the power of the Holy Spirit.
- God speaks through me in
my dreams every night. WORD Truth - though there are examples of God speaking to
people through dreams, if we were to make a statistical study of the ways God
speaks, dreams would not be a the top of the list. God often openly and directly
speaks to people; He speaks to their hearts; He speaks through OTHER people
often; He speaks through His Word; He speaks through our own God-given
intelligence and wisdom; He speaks through His apostles, prophets, pastors,
teachers and evangelists.
- God needs to confirm His Word to me, or He always confirms His Word to
me. WORD Truth - He does NOT. The book of JOb is proof positive that sometimes,
we have no idea why something happens, and God will not give us a reason. That's
why it's called faith. "NOW FAITH is the assurance (the confirmation, the title
deed) of the things [we] hope for, being the proof of things [we] do not see and
the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not
revealed to the senses]" - Hebrews
11:1.

And there are a million other examples, these are just the ones I've come across recently in my dealings with people. However, like I said, we need to keep the light of the Word as our guide. Here's what I know about how our experiences and God's Word should work together.

First and foremost, the Word says that we must test every spirit. (1 John 4)
Second, everything should be established by two or three witnesses, (Deuteronomy 17:6, Deuteronomy 19:15, Matthew 18:16, 2 Corinthians 13:1, 1 Timothy 5:19, Hebrews 10:28) that includes Scripture. What I mean by that is if something is mentioned once in Scripture, it should not become a doctrine or something necessary for our faith.
Thirdly, like the apostle Paul wrote, not everything is beneficial for us, though it may be permissible. (1 Corinthians 6:12, 1 Corinthians 10:23)

So much more can be said about this, but, really, my point is that too many Christians try to make their Christian walk overly "spiritual", when our spirituality is really strongly based in much practicality. In other words, most things spiritual have a real, practical, visible outcome in this world. And many of our practical day to day actions have a very real significance in the spiritial realm. Things do not have to have a "supernatural" phenomenon to be spiritual.

Be blessed!

Experience - necessary? real?

2004-09-27T11:45:00.000-04:00

As humans, we often make decisions and judge things by our experiences. Many psychologists would even say that who we are and how we deal with certain situations as adults has everything to do with our experiences as children. But when you talk about your walk of faith with God, where does experience come into play?

I'm asking this question and pondering its implications for a number of reasons.

I know in my own life that my experiences with God have surely shaped what I believe and how I approach God. The Bible speaks of the presence of God, of His healing power, of the Holy Spirit, of speaking in tongues, and I have experienced all of these and many other truths from the Bible. That is why I can stand before you and testify that the Bible is true today as it was yesterday and as it will be forever.

But when can experience become a trap? When can your experiences actually not reveal anything about God... and may instead reveal a dark and evil truth many want to just sweep under the rug? I think I know the answers, but then how do you tell that to someone who lives by their experiences and cannot see that they do NOT line up with the word of God? However, before I jump into that, let me look at the role of experience in our lives.

Like I said above, experiences in my own life and in the lives of others has shown me that what is written in Scripture is true and real and alive. For example, I was in a church that did not believe in the "power" if the Holy Spirit and in the gifts of the Holy Spirit (see Hebrews 2:4, 1 Corinthians 12, 14), like speaking in tongues, prophesying, dreams, visions, physical manifestations of healing power, etc (know as a cessationist belief... in other words, all these things ended with the first church, for we no longer have need for them). However, when I felt something in the deepests part of my being and my spirit, and strange words came out of my mouth that I did not understand, I could no longer say that the Holy Spirit no longer worked in this fashion. I am not trying to get into a cessationist/revivalist/pentecostal (or whatever other words people use) debate here. So let me use another example that, I think, everyone will agree with and understand.

When I was "born-again" or when I finally realized that is was ONLY through faith in Jesus that I would go to heaven, I experienced salvation as is described in Scripture. I had a revelation or an understanding (that came from God and not from my own intelligence and understanding) that it was ONLY through faith in Jesus Christ that I could be saved. And so I confessed it with my mouth as is described in Romans 10:9-13. So I believed by faith that I was saved and I received the freedom and peace God promises.

Or here is another example based on Phillipians 4:6-7. It says:

"Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and
in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving,
continue to make your wants known to God. And God's peace [shall be yours, that
tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing
nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that
is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount
guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

When I have been full of anxiety and worries, I just prayed to God with thanksgiving, and I experienced the peace of God, which transcends all understanding.

So I guess in a nutshell, I say, "Yes, experience is very necessary." It makes God's Word real to us. It makes His Word alive. It makes His Word personal. Nowhere in Scripture does it ask us to believe blindly or to follow God blindly. Even Abraham, though he did not know where he was going or when his son would be born, followed and obeyed God when He asked Abraham to go to Canaan, because God spoke to him... i.e. Abraham had an experience with God!

However, there is a point where we cross the line of God's Word and experience It in our lives, to seeking THE experience or allowing experience to dictate truth in our lives. And I will write about that tomorrow.

My Secret Place

2004-09-24T16:09:00.000-04:00

With our world, and especially (I suppose) our western culture and mindset, being so busy, it is very difficult to get a moment alone... much less get some quiet time with God... at least it is for me--what, with 2 jobs (a full-time one and a part-time one), a wife, church, and various church ministries and activities I am involved with, like the worship team, leadership, a small group, College ministry, and set-up team. Plus throw in eating, sleeping, washing, going to the bathroom, and travel time, that leaves me with, oh, an hour... if I sleep for only 5 hours! :)

OK, maybe there's some overexageration, but I'm sure a lot of people feel that way. And of course, I am not talking about the whole art of practicing the presence of God as the late Brother Lawrence put it. It is obvious that we need to continually keep our hearts open to God, to keep the lines of communication continually open. Verses like Luke 24:53, 1 Thessalonians 5:17, Jeremiah 33:18, Joshua 1:8, Nehemiah 1:6, Psalm 1:2, Psalm 88:1, 1 Thessalonians 3:10, Revelation 4:8, and many others make that absolutely clear.

But, what I am talking about is that quiet time we know we need to have with God... that early morning prayer like Jesus (Mark 1:35)... that secret place or shelter of the Lord's presence (Psalm 27:5, Psalm 31:20, Psalm 91:1)... that prayer closet (Matthew 6:6).

That's what this blog is all about. It is my quiet place, my secret place, where I can pour out my thoughts and my heart to our Father in heaven and our Lord Jesus Christ... in solitude. I'm committed to coming to God each day in quietness and share the words that are deposited into my heart during that time. I am committed to pour out my heart to God through this blog.

It may seem weird to some, but journalling and committing thoughts, ideas and prayers to paper somehow make them more real, more tangible. And it is very hard to fall asleep when you are typing :)

So following posts will include various thoughts or prayers based on whatever I may have read that day or whatever God-thought may have entered my thoughts. This is as much an experiment as it is my sacrifice and offering to God. I pray that the Lord may be pleased with this offering of his child.

Be Blessed!