A Silver Lining?

This blog is a culmination of recent events and other random thoughts, so here goes... hope it says something to you.

I, for one, know how easy it is to be critical --overly critical-- and negative. I believe most of us are to some degree. You hang around an organization (be it school, work, or, yes, even church)
long enough (for some that's an hour and for others it's 5+ years) and you are bound to find something you will criticize and dislike greatly. And I'm trying to make this sound as general as possible, because this happens in relationships too. When you are "too close" to the situation, you only see the blemish or the greyness of the cloud, and you miss the silver lining.

You need to step back a bit... I need to step back a bit.

This past Saturday, I had the privilege to live out a dream! I, along with three other buddies, played a gig (yes, I play every Sunday morning, but playing a rock show has a completely different atmosphere... anyway!). We were the opening band for three other bands. But at first we were all pretty negative about the whole thing. My friends were all nervous because they felt we were not good enough, nor, at least, ready enough. I wasn't nervous, but my attitude showed pretty much the same underlining feeling. My attitude was that we were the opening act so it didn't matter if we were not good or not. In the end, we rocked the place. Everyone who spoke with us said how awesome we were. The best band there (in my opinion) raved how tight we sounded, and could not believed that we only really had two practices with the full band. The band right after us also approached us about being their opening act for some other shows they were doing. And then the organizer/promoter of a festival in Beauce, Quebec (I'll find out the name of the festival) invited us to play at the festival next summer!!! Isn't that crazy.

The next thing was that I had a pretty crappy father's day. My own dad wanted to go to his church picnic/bbq... in Croatian that means roast pork on a spit, not my idea of fun. I was hurt by this, that my father seemed to want to spend time with his friends and not his own son. Plus all I got was some shirts... anyone who knows me well knows I don't like getting clothes as gifts (you NEED clothes, they should never be gifts), but a CD or a DVD or just even some chocolate would have been awesome. So I was feeling pretty down on myself and on my dad in particular.

Then I read Praise in the Pain by my friend Kirtsen (haha, it's where I got the title... pretty smart, huh!). Anyway, what she wrote there sort of hit me. We're all broken people in one way or another, but when you make Jesus your Lord and accept His sacrifice and His forgiveness, all your wounds are healed. But, like with any wound, a scar is left behind. I keep picking at these scars rather than praising God for healing them. In fact, more often than not, I'm digging up these scars and finding the old wounds underneath... but are they really the old wounds or am I allowing the same, but new, wounds to be made in the same place (ooooo, pretty philosophical, my brother might be proud :).

Which leads me to the last "event", which happened this evening. I was writing in my dad's Father's day card... I felt no urgency to write in it sooner since we were not going to see him Sunday. I tried to get him a card that made some general Happy Father's day thoughts, but with a Christian overtone, because he wasn't the type of father that taught me how to hit or throw a baseball, or how to ride my bike, or any of those things. He wasn't the type of father I thought I wanted. Hmmm, it's hard when you long for something, but you don't get it... ever. I painted a much worse picture of my dad in my mind and heart than he really was... but again, I was missing the silver lining.

Let me share what the card said:
FRONT:

A Father's Love is a Blessing Always

That's even more profound than when I read it first or when I read it earlier this evening. That alone I can spend hours dissecting.
INSIDE, LEFT-HAND SIDE:

Thanks be to God for His gifts - 2 Corinthians 9:15

INSIDE, RIGHT-HAND SIDE:

You're a very special person,
and though the generous spirit
that you always share,
you bring the very heart of God's love
to everyone you meet.
The world is a better place
because of you,
and you deserve
a Father's Day that's just
as blessed as you are.

Honestly, on the surface, I did not really believe this of my dad. But as I was writing, something hit me... if my dad was really such a terrible person, how in the world did I turn out ok (minus the ticks, idiosyncrasies, OCDisms, quick temper, etc... :) I know that God can change many things in us... but no, I've always been a moral person... where'd that come from? I have always be ready to help others... where'd that come from? I know my dad's not perfect, but neither am I... yet somehow, I turned out ok. OK enough for a woman (Cindy) and her mother to deem me marriageable. OK enough to land and keep a fairly secure job at Dawson. OK enough to have the wisdom, intelligence and acquire the knowledge to own my own home, as well as a separate revenue generating property. OK enough to become a dad myself. Now, ultimately, Eliya will be the deciding factor of really how good a father my father was... but I now have no doubts how that one will end.

In our "fast food", "microwaveable" world, it is so easy to miss the long-term picture and thus miss the silver-lining.