Proper Placement!

I know I haven't written in a while and so the few people who did read this blog, might not see this, but I have to put it out there, in hopes that if you are reading this, then this will speak to you.

Now, I've been sitting on this for a little while, but it is the time to post. I also apologize to those who don't believe that God can speak to us or that God wants to speak to us words of encouragement outside of His Word, the Bible. But I have experienced the truth and power in these "prophetic" words.

I "heard" or sensed God speak this to me on July 22nd, and I believe that it is a word of encouragement for everyone in the church.

"It seems the enemy is on a tear. He is trying to frighten us and keep us from seeing and knowing that God IS moving. He is afraid of what God is doing; of what the outcome will be in this world, in this generation. The Lord is moving and working. He is laying the foundations, so we might not see anything right now. It’s like He is working underground. He is doing stuff in the ground that we cannot see. Just like when a seed is planted, we do not see what is happening to the seed, when it is 'dying,' being transformed and developing roots, until we finally see the sprout and the plant rise up out of the soil. The Lord has been planting 'seeds' and they are about to rise up. 'Hold on for one more day,' says the Lord. The time IS coming. The time is coming. Just believe.

"I also hear, 'Proper placement! Proper placement!' This relates to the seeds planted as well as where we are planted. 'Proper placement!'"

After receiving that word, I felt it important to find out exactly what happens when you plant a seed. This is what I found:

What happens to a seed after it is planted?

The next step in the corn seeds life cycle is germination. Germination is the process that takes an inactive seed and starts cell division through the activation of enzymes. In order to trigger germination the seed must absorb 30% of its weight in water. Once the seed has absorbed enough water the next series of events occur in a distinct sequence. The first visual sign of germination is the emergence of the radical root.

The radical roots will emerge from the tip of the kernel. The coleoptile is the next structure to emerge; it emerges from the embryo side of the kernel. The coleoptile is often referred to as the spike; it is the cylindrical plant tissue that has a pointed tip. The coleoptile encloses the first 4 to 5 leaves of the corn plant. The final step in germination is the formation of the lateral seminal roots near the dent of the kernel.

The role of the seminal root system (radical & lateral seminal roots) is to anchor the young plant and to absorb water and nutrients for the first two to three weeks of the young corn plants life. The seminal root system helps support the plant until the permanent root system can be established.

After germination is completed, the next process is emergence. The first step in the emergence process is the mesocotyl elongating. The mesocotyl pushes the coleoptile towards the soil surface. Once the coleoptile senses light at the soil surface the leaves in the coleoptile ruptures the end of the coleoptile and the first true leaf emerges. Once the first leaf emerges emergence is completed.

I hope this encourages you to hold on, and to get your butt into proper placement. I believe that has to do with your local church. I know we don't "need" a church to be close to God... but we do need each other to accomplish what we have been called to accomplish in this world. God bless.

A Silver Lining?

This blog is a culmination of recent events and other random thoughts, so here goes... hope it says something to you.

I, for one, know how easy it is to be critical --overly critical-- and negative. I believe most of us are to some degree. You hang around an organization (be it school, work, or, yes, even church)
long enough (for some that's an hour and for others it's 5+ years) and you are bound to find something you will criticize and dislike greatly. And I'm trying to make this sound as general as possible, because this happens in relationships too. When you are "too close" to the situation, you only see the blemish or the greyness of the cloud, and you miss the silver lining.

You need to step back a bit... I need to step back a bit.

This past Saturday, I had the privilege to live out a dream! I, along with three other buddies, played a gig (yes, I play every Sunday morning, but playing a rock show has a completely different atmosphere... anyway!). We were the opening band for three other bands. But at first we were all pretty negative about the whole thing. My friends were all nervous because they felt we were not good enough, nor, at least, ready enough. I wasn't nervous, but my attitude showed pretty much the same underlining feeling. My attitude was that we were the opening act so it didn't matter if we were not good or not. In the end, we rocked the place. Everyone who spoke with us said how awesome we were. The best band there (in my opinion) raved how tight we sounded, and could not believed that we only really had two practices with the full band. The band right after us also approached us about being their opening act for some other shows they were doing. And then the organizer/promoter of a festival in Beauce, Quebec (I'll find out the name of the festival) invited us to play at the festival next summer!!! Isn't that crazy.

The next thing was that I had a pretty crappy father's day. My own dad wanted to go to his church picnic/bbq... in Croatian that means roast pork on a spit, not my idea of fun. I was hurt by this, that my father seemed to want to spend time with his friends and not his own son. Plus all I got was some shirts... anyone who knows me well knows I don't like getting clothes as gifts (you NEED clothes, they should never be gifts), but a CD or a DVD or just even some chocolate would have been awesome. So I was feeling pretty down on myself and on my dad in particular.

Then I read Praise in the Pain by my friend Kirtsen (haha, it's where I got the title... pretty smart, huh!). Anyway, what she wrote there sort of hit me. We're all broken people in one way or another, but when you make Jesus your Lord and accept His sacrifice and His forgiveness, all your wounds are healed. But, like with any wound, a scar is left behind. I keep picking at these scars rather than praising God for healing them. In fact, more often than not, I'm digging up these scars and finding the old wounds underneath... but are they really the old wounds or am I allowing the same, but new, wounds to be made in the same place (ooooo, pretty philosophical, my brother might be proud :).

Which leads me to the last "event", which happened this evening. I was writing in my dad's Father's day card... I felt no urgency to write in it sooner since we were not going to see him Sunday. I tried to get him a card that made some general Happy Father's day thoughts, but with a Christian overtone, because he wasn't the type of father that taught me how to hit or throw a baseball, or how to ride my bike, or any of those things. He wasn't the type of father I thought I wanted. Hmmm, it's hard when you long for something, but you don't get it... ever. I painted a much worse picture of my dad in my mind and heart than he really was... but again, I was missing the silver lining.

Let me share what the card said:
FRONT:

A Father's Love is a Blessing Always

That's even more profound than when I read it first or when I read it earlier this evening. That alone I can spend hours dissecting.
INSIDE, LEFT-HAND SIDE:

Thanks be to God for His gifts - 2 Corinthians 9:15

INSIDE, RIGHT-HAND SIDE:

You're a very special person,
and though the generous spirit
that you always share,
you bring the very heart of God's love
to everyone you meet.
The world is a better place
because of you,
and you deserve
a Father's Day that's just
as blessed as you are.

Honestly, on the surface, I did not really believe this of my dad. But as I was writing, something hit me... if my dad was really such a terrible person, how in the world did I turn out ok (minus the ticks, idiosyncrasies, OCDisms, quick temper, etc... :) I know that God can change many things in us... but no, I've always been a moral person... where'd that come from? I have always be ready to help others... where'd that come from? I know my dad's not perfect, but neither am I... yet somehow, I turned out ok. OK enough for a woman (Cindy) and her mother to deem me marriageable. OK enough to land and keep a fairly secure job at Dawson. OK enough to have the wisdom, intelligence and acquire the knowledge to own my own home, as well as a separate revenue generating property. OK enough to become a dad myself. Now, ultimately, Eliya will be the deciding factor of really how good a father my father was... but I now have no doubts how that one will end.

In our "fast food", "microwaveable" world, it is so easy to miss the long-term picture and thus miss the silver-lining.

New Ramblings!

Hmmm... It's been a while, eh!
I've realized that sometimes, you need to work things out before you write about them. Journaling is great and all, but being an emotional person--who can run really high one day and be totally low the next--sometimes, some of my thoughts need to be worked through first.

Well, let's get up-to-date.

I've had a baby... Well, my wife had the baby. Her name is Eliya, and she is the most precious gift I have received besides the gift of (eternal and earthly) life from God and the gift of a married life with my wife. I'll probably start a blog for her too... PSYCHO-BLOG-GUY... That's me :)

What else?

Well, we have started our Young-Adults ministry. It's far from the vision I've had for this, but we've been meeting for the past 6 Fridays, and the turn-out has been good. Right now, it's like another worship service... We have some nice acoustic, intimate worship, and a great word (OK, so I'm tooting my own horn :)

Ultimately, I think we're having fun... Well, with some hiccups along the way. But, I think that's par for the course.

I was reading some of my past entries... And I have to repent a bit, especially in regards to the entry entitled the Fellowship - All Alone

I was getting discouraged. I was ready to quit. It has not been easy working full-time, having a newborn to care for, my wife and baby have had an infection for the last month, working with different people--who all have their own ideas (not necessarily a bad thing, but it is a lot more work)--, dealing with some crap at work (oops, am I allowed to write crap?), not feeling well physically, ... Should I complain more? :) ... Oh, yeah, being pissed at God... oooo, are you allowed to be pissed at God?

(BTW, for those who don't know me, I'm pretty irreverent towards "sacred cows" of Christianity... If you think you can't be angry with God, read some Psalms... Of course you can't stay there!)

Anyway, I was reminded of my commitment to see this through to the end. I was reminded of my own words, that I would not quit, NO MATTER WHAT. I was reminded that the reason I even stepped into leading and pastoring this Young Adults (College-Age) ministry was because God asked me to, and I said yes.

Anyway, say a little prayer for me today. I know I have stuff to work on in my own life... But doesn't everyone... However, this will not stop me from moving forward and doing what God has asked me to do.

TTYS!

The Fellowship - All Alone

This morning I am all alone. I guess everyone else was either tired (I understand that one ;) ), forgot or had some other pressing appointment. But that's ok, because I believe this was God's plan to get me here alone.

I sensed that God was asking me, "If you were the only one to do this, the only one willing to stand for me on behalf of this generation of youth, will you?" The funny thing is that I could never do everything this ministry is going to accomplish on my own, and God knows that. But that is also not the question God is asking me.

Will I stand? In prayer? In deed? In words? Yes, of course. Even if I was the only one, I would do whatever I had to do, whatever God wanted me to do. It doesn't mean it is easy. Obviously, I want me wife to stand beside me on this. Of course, I want friends and family to support me and help me. Of course, I want my pastors to watch my back, guide me, teach me and lead me. But what if I was the only one?

"What if" questions are so easy to answer when you don't think about them, because they are so unlikely to happen. But when we ponder them for a bit, they are much harder, because they force us to look at our motivations and our heart attitude.

When I look at my life, everything I do, I do because I believe I am bringing God glory and I am doing what God wants me to do. Right now, I feel like I could sleep for a week. I feel like a two week vacation would not help me recover my strength. I feel burnt out. But, I continue with everything because I love my God. I serve in church, because I don't know how else to show Jesus how much I love Him and how thankful I am for His sacrifice and love for me. I work, really, only to put food on the table and pay my bills. I know that God opened this door for me, but my heart longs to serve in the church, serve God's purposes in Montreal, and serve His people, and from that make my living. I know that Scriptures say that in everything we do, do it for the glory of God. I know that I can fulfill the purposes of God at my job... It's just that it doesn't fit the passions in me.

Ultimately, all I want to do is work for God in any way, especially in the ways that God has shown me through visions and dreams in my heart. I do want to glorify God with this ministry, and though it may be hard, and even if no one else is willing to be a part of it... I know that the vision in my heart is what this ministry is supposed to be--I'm going to sound conceited and maybe "big-headed" right now, but--if it is not implement as such, it won't grow and it won't have much fruit. I know I am supposed to lead this ministry. Exactly in what capacity, I am not sure. But just like Ezra was called to lead the Israelites to rebuild the temple and lead them back into a right relationship with God, I know that I am called to lead this building of this ministry. Just like Ezra took it personally when he found out that the Israelites had broken God's commands by intermarrying with the pagan nations, I take it personally when God's people don't seem to care about the youth and college-aged people of this beautiful city. I take it personally when people seem to be worried about their own well-being rather than the well-being of a whole generation of people, that they themselves are part of.

O, Father, forgive us! Forgive us for not heeding Your Words, Your promptings, Your nudges. Forgive us for our selfish attitudes, worrying about our own well-being and needs. Father forgive me for "protecting" my time from You. But also teach me Your proper balance. Prune away the things I really have no business being in. Circumcise our hearts, O Lord. Make us right before You. Guide us in this endeavour. Give us the wisdom we will need. Give us the revelation we need. Give us the passion and desire we need. Teach us, impact us, with Your Love!

Amen.

The Fellowship - August 2nd, 2005

One of the other people who come to the prayer meeting was reading Joshua that morning. Joshua 1 is just so relevant to us and to this ministry at this time. We are entering our "Ppromised Land" in a sense. And we need to remember God's promises to never leave or forsake us, as well as, God' commands to remain strong and courageous, and to keep His Word in our hearts. But, it is really Joshua 3, specifically verse 5, that formed the crux of our prayer this morning. It reads:

"Joshua told the people, 'Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you.'"

Other translations use words such as "sanctify" or "purify". It essentially means to seperate yourself for a special purpose, most often relating to some purpose of God. In essence, it is speaking of holiness, or in other words a higher, godly standard.

There is no way we can succeed and move forward with God without a higher level of holiness. It is even more true when it comes to leadership, starting a new ministry, or your own destiny. The great thing is that we don't really do anything, except for trusting in God's grace, Word, and strength.

Two thoughts came to me as we were praying. The first had to do with circumsicion. Part of what the Israelites had to do to be sanctified was to be circumcised. Of course, God is not necessarily asking the men in this college-aged ministry to get circumcised physically, but rather to have our hearts circumcised, as Paul mentions in Romans 2:29.

The second thought was based on John 15, the parable of the vine and the branches, specifically about the Father, the gardener or vinedresser, who prunes His vines and branches. Sometimes, holiness has to do with pruning even some good things from our lives, so that our energy and strength can go to producing the best fruit God has planned for us. If we are spread too thin, we will only produce little fruit.

Ultimately, holiness, circumcision of the heart, pruning, all has to do with our heart attitude. Are we ready to follow God anywhere? Are we willing to do anything for God? Are we willing to possibly look stupid for God? Are we willing to lay down our lives? Are we willing to pick up our crosses?

Another thought that came from the Joshua reading was that God's victory and His ways are often illogical to our way of thinking. I truly believe that this ministry will defy our standard way of thinking about youth and college ministries. It will be a miracle-laced ministry that will astound everyone... even the leadership :) ... actually, especially the leadership.

Our prayer then turned to praying about our tools and weapons for completing this task. We will put our hands to the plow and we will not look back (Luke 9:62). We do have the tools and the weapons. We are not empty handed! (2 Corinthians 6:7, 2 Corinthians 10:4, Hebrews 4:12, Ephesians 6:10-20) . We are also never alone!!! (Deuteronomy 31:6, 8, Joshua 1:5, Psalm 9:10, Psalm 94:14, Hebrews 13:5)

We also prayed for revelation and vision for this fall (i.e. what will we do? details). We even prayed for revelation for those who are to be part of this vision and ministry, but are not even aware of it yet. I believe there are people who already have dreams and vision that fit into this ministry, and a fire will be set aflame in them as soon as they hear about it.

YOUR Will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Your Will! God's Will!

Amen!

The Fellowship -- The "Craftsmen" are coming!

Again, prayer was awesome Tuesday morning. I was a little early, so I took the chance to read from my One Year Bible. The reading was 1 Chronicles 28:1-29:30. Basically, King David is coming to the end of his life. Solomon, his son is being made the new king of Israel. And David has prepared all the materials for the building of the Temple of the Lord. However, he is told by God that he cannot build, but Solomon will. Chapters 28 and 29 are basically David's prayer for Solomon and the people for the building of the Temple. That's a serious abbreviation of those chapters. Really, what is important, at least in regards to the prayer meeting and what touched me, came from verses 20-21 from chapter 28. It reads in the :

"And David said to his son Solomon, 'Be strong and of good courage, and do it; do not fear nor be dismayed, for the LORD God--my God--will be with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you, until you have finished all the work for the service of the house of the LORD. Here are the divisions of the priests and the Levites for all the service of the house of God; and every willing craftsman will be with you for all manner of workmanship, for every kind of service; also the leaders and all the people will be completely at your command.'"

There are a number of truths here that struck me, relating to this kick-off in prayer for the College-aged ministry. First, God is with us! He will never forsake us, and He will be with us to the end. Second, in the New Living Translation, it reads, "Don't be afraid or discouraged by the size of the task." That encouraged me, because, truly, this is a huge project, but God is in charge. He is the one making the plans, and bringing in the people. Thank God for that! And third, there will be people to work this vision, from the "Levites" (like the musicians, pastors, etc...) to the "willing craftsmen". This was a great encouragement to me. Often, at least it seems so to me, it is so hard to get people to help and to serve in the church or in some particular ministry. I don't know if it is that people are just lukewarm or they're all looking for that "podium" or "superstar" position. No one seems to want to do the dirty work, or the behind-the-scenes stuff.

At least, that's how it has seemed with the worship team at my church. For the last four and a half years, we've been renting, and so we have had to set-up and takedown our music equipment and sound system every week. And pretty much the only people doing it faithfully and regularly are the guys on the music team (and not all the guys, mind you). The ladies help us out with takedown. We've asked people. We've invited them to be part of the team. But, in general, they have not stuck with it or stuck with any noticeable consistency. OK... I've taken a tangent... Sorry.

The point... God is preparing and bringing in all the workers and craftsmen that will be needed. It so awesome to know that, at least, this part is taken care of!

Anyway, to the actual prayer time. I don't remember specifics of our prayer. A lot was based on the above Scripture; some about specific people to be part of this ministry; and some on praying in the entrepreneurial and artistic spirit of this ministry.

Another great point that came out of the prayer was the idea that for the people involved, that this dream, vision, and ministry would not be something we fit into our lives and schedule, or fit around our work and other activities. But rather, that it would be our life's work, and that our lives, our work, our activities would fit into this dream! Of course, this is based on Matthew 6:33. Too often we worry about our needs and wants to the point that we forget about doing God's work and God's calling on our lives... Oh, we still go to church and serve here and there, but we're missing that special thing/job/work/place God has for us, where all other things, basically, become unimportant and taken care of!

Some words that came out of the prayer, that I think will describe this group of people, this generation:

RISK-TAKERS
WATER-WALKERS

Finally, as we were praying, I felt as if God was just downloading ideas for businesses or maybe just all the types of businesses that will be represented in and through this ministry. I even sensed that there would be a warehouse-styled complex housing all these ideas. Here they are in no particular order:

• Coffeeshop (that one's mine :)
• Radio Station
• Music Store (CDs)
• internet Cafe
• Bookstore & Resource centre (Christian books)
• Skate Park
• Skate Store (Boards and clothes)
• 24/7 Prayer & Worship Centre
• Production Studio
• Recording/Sound Studio
• Snack Bar
• Art Studio
• graffiti Area
• Theatre (for plays and concerts and conferences and movies)
• Lighting Company
• Sound Tech Company
• Graphics design company

And there were just some random thoughts with all these business ideas:

• TV in the coffeeshop, which would show programs and movies we would produce
• Ministage in coffeeshop for concerts and "open" mic-styles worship times
• Comedy nights :)

That's it! It's a lot. But God is in control. Hallelujah!

The Fellowship--Prayer ... The day after!

I just wanted to update you on how the prayer time went on Wednesday morning. It was great... As if that is a surprise :)

Really, there were two words that came out of that prayer time that stirred something in my heart and spirit. One was that this college-aged ministry is anointed with an entrepreneurial spirit. What does this mean? I don't fully know yet... But certainly, this will not be a typical youth ministry that meets Friday evenings, does some worship and has a guest speaker... Not that we won't be doing that as well, but I believe that there are young people with dreams, looking for a place to dream and grow in faith to step out into those dreams!

Nuff said on that for now.

The second word was about the arts and creativity. I strongly feel that the arts will be a big part of this college-age ministry. I also saw a production studio, producing films, shows, music, etc... In this.

OK, so there's obviously a lot of "work" to be done. And as I have mentioned, we will not start anything without spending lots of time in prayer.

The Fellowship--Prayer

This is an edited excerpt from an email I sent out to a specific group of people, essentially kicking off our youth/college-aged ministry. We'll see where God is taking us!

As you may or may not know, I have a great passion to serve the College age and youth. I have been in this area (both in the secular and in ministry for the past 10 years, which does not include my own studies at CEGEP and university).

Also for the last two months, Cindy and I have started a cell with this age category in mind (about 18-25)... And I think it has been going very well. However, I know that this is not the final "product" (if I may use that term) of the college/youth ministry.

I don't know what is... It may revolve around some business ideas I have... Or it may revolve around some more traditional idea of a youth ministry. However, I do believe that worship will be involved greatly, as well as some form of 24/7 prayer.

Having said all this, why the email? Well, for any work of God, prayer must be its driving force. And in fact, often before any work of God is birth, it is through prayer that it is born. So I am calling a weekly morning prayer meeting.

I feel strongly that the prayer meeting needs to be a morning prayer meeting. This is going to require sacrifice. If for some of you this cuts too close to work, we can move it earlier (say 6:00 or 6:30am). But for the time being, I feel we need to stay away from the evening/night prayer meeting... That's "too easy" for this age group... Though I am not saying we may not have some all night prayer before the summer is over. :)

Ultimately, I am asking each one of you to go to God prayerfully, and find out if this is something He wants you to be a part of. And if it is, then be quick to obey. These morning prayers will help set the foundation for this ministry... A foundation of prayer, self-sacrifice, servanthood, faithfulness, love, and obedience.

I would just ask everyone to reply back to me... Let me know if you are interested, if this ministry is something that burns on your heart, if you feel called to this age group, or if none of this appeals to you.

I really want the next two months or so of prayer to help us establish a strong vision for this ministry, which will overflow onto the campuses, into the new neighbourhood our church is moving to and into our own congregation.

God bless you all.

Then he told them what they could expect for themselves: "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat--I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. - Luke 9:23-24 (the Message)

Then He said to them all, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it. - Luke 9:23-24 (NKJV)

Church = the Body of Christ = Family

Cindy (my wife) and I have recently started a new cell (small group, Bible study, or whatever other word you want to use). We meet Monday evenings. It's a college-aged cell, which basically means it is geared towards people aged 18-30 or so, with the youthful mindset that they can still change the world and make a difference... And where family, family-life, and careers have not taken center stage, yet. At least, that's how I see this group of people. There are others that fit in that age category, but family and career take precedence over experiencing our youth... Hmmm!

I don't think I explained that very well... Anyway, I'm off topic... BIG surprise.

The point!

We're studying the Purpose Driven Life book by Rick Warren. Yesterday, we did a condensed study on purpose #2: "You were formed for God's family." I guess the fundamental idea is that we were created to be part of a family, and I do not mean a biological family, but a great community of believers. Now, there are many reasons why it is important to be part of a church and part of a specific group of believers, but one of my favorites (and really the signature sermon of my pastors) is Psalm 92:12-13:

"The [uncompromisingly] righteous shall flourish like the palm tree [be long-lived, stately, upright, useful, and fruitful]; they shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon [majestic, stable, durable, and incorruptible]. Planted in the house of the Lord, they shall flourish in the courts of our God."

We will NEVER accomplish the purpose of our lives, at least not the full purpose of God for our lives, unless we are part of a local church, or a local group of believers. I firmly believe this and the Bible does support it. Of course, some of us will have to change our mindset on what "the church" means... For one, it's not that building you go to on Sunday mornings.

Church is a community. Church is a family. And just like there are problems in any family or community, there will be problems in every local church. That is NO reason to leave your church.

I know in our western society it has become "normal" and ok to get a divorce or separate yourself from your blood family when problems arise that you do not want to or know how to fix. I also know that sometimes, even when you want to and know how to fix a problem, the other people involved have no desire to change. That, Scripturally speaking, still does not give us the ok to leave our family (biological, by marriage, or spiritual).

This is just the start... I'm going to expand on this some more later.

Tying loose ends... Not today :)

I just went through all my past posts and realized that I've left a lot of ideas unfinished. And some still stir something in me, so I know there's stuff to write about. So I will get back to each item, and reference it appropriately.

I used to be a huge comic book fan and collector, and one of my major pet peeves was when writers would seemingly just forget a story-line and never come back to it to finish it or explain it. So I don't want to do the same... Of course, when we speak of spiritual things, then we are talking life-long journeys (can you say "cop-out" )

So, having said all this, I'm going to start peeling away the layers of thought and emotions behind the "Stuff on my heart" post. Be ready to be offended :)

But not today... Be blessed!

Main Sanctuary... isn't it beautiful! 

St Vincent de Paul Cathedral 

I will give you the house... Reprise!

NOTE: I am not writing this to offend anyone or reveal financial issues from my church... It is totally, and simply to show how awesome God is... And that He DOES still speak to us and encourage us! Read on.

Since I've been "out of it" for a while, I was just backtracking through some of my old posts, and I realized that I've left a few ideas... Uhm... How shall I put it... Unfinished? Unanswered? Either way, I came across the one entitled "I will give you the house."

Well, here's an update to that one. We've been looking at a cathedral (anyone who knows Pastor Curtis and Marney, knows that God gave them the mandate to "Take the cathedrals"... ) just east of Papineau on St Catherine called St Vincent de Paul.

Anyway, this church is just absolutely beautiful. It has gorgeous stained-glass windows; amazing artwork on the walls; marble and granite all over... It's just gorgeous.

The main sanctuary seats from 1000-1500, but that's REALLY comfortable seating. You can definitely fit more. There's a small chapel for 100-150 people. Both have similar sized halls underneath them, and there's a presbytery right beside the main sanctuary with some 30 rooms/offices (may even be bigger than that. It has 4 floors of office space).

Anyway, we've been in negotiations with them for a while. The original price was $1.8 million. We countered with a three year rental option, with the rent going as a downpayment toward a final cost of $750,000 for the whole building. They (The archdiocese!!!) countered with $840,000, with a $350,000 downpayment, we would have ownership, and the rest would be paid over three years.

At that point, we've been getting the church congregation behind this to raise $100,000 as quick as possible to go back with another counter-offer. In less than 2 months, we've raised nearly $70,000!!! So the pastors went out to lunch with the two priests who take care of the place. And here's what they offered $25,000 right now, and (I forgot some of the details) $75,000 by September 1st (I think). Then over the next 10 years, interest free, we would make lump-sum payments of $74,000 each year.

Here's what the priests said, "But you'll take possession and ownership right away, right."

We are now writing up the proposal, so they can officially present it to the archdiocese.

God is so faithful to His promises! Isn't He amazing! Simple steps of faith and obedience to His Word... That's all it takes!

OK, It's been a while

So... I've been pretty quiet for a while, eh :)

Just going through some stuff... Trying to figure out some things... Been asking God to clarify that which I don't understand...

Pretty vague... I know.

I guess it comes down to maturity. I read this posting (The Urgency for Maturity, and a Reconciled Mind) on the Elijah List (www.elijahlist.com). I know there's something there, and I realize that our immaturity keeps us from fully understanding God's ways and God's thoughts. In our immature state, our emotions get the best of us, and we walk by sight not by faith.

Maybe the most interesting thought in the article is that we can even walk by sight, seemingly doing what is right and what God's Word says, yet not be walking by faith and in the true reality of what is God's Will according to His Word. I know that's a mouthful, and I'm not sure I understand it.

I guess some more hmmmm-time is needed...

I promise, I'll try to write more often :)

That's as uncommitted as one can be, eh!

Back to writing

It's been almost two full weeks since I've written anything on any of my blogs... And I ask myself, "Why?" Too busy? That's as lame an excuse as it gets. Truth be told... As if I can hide anything from You my Father in Heaven... I've been angry and upset and hurt... By a lot of stuff and a lot of people. I've just not wanted to talk about it. I've left it in Your (GOD) more than capable hands. But I need an outlet. Worship is one... And I just love worshipping my LORD (yesterday, was particularly awesome). Writing is another, because it helps me think and express my emotions, which I "normally" keep bottled up inside, at least the really deep and wounded ones. I'm know for baring my emotions on my sleeve--joy, happiness, unhappiness, anger, frustration, love for someone (actually, the emotions that go with loving someone)--I can't hide these. These show up on my face immediately. But there are deeper emotions... I guess you can call them "true" emotions. It's not that I fake the others. I'm just more comfortable and know how to express them. But when someone or something wounds me deeply or even touches my heart in a loving and beautiful way, I don't always know how to express that. So they stay inside. It's the negative emotions that can hurt me though. Those emotions led me down a dark path of depression for 13+ years. I fantasied about either killing myself or being killed (Thank God for my Catholic upbringing though, because I believed I would NEVER get to heaven if I committed suicide, so I never actually attempted suicide... Though I suppose, I had committed emotionally and even spiritual suicide at multiple times during the dark years of my life. Even though I was physically alive, I was not emotionally or spiritually alive).

I will never go to that dark place again. So, I continue to worship, and I will continue to write.

Stuff on my heart

I'm just meditating on some things that have happened recently, which seem to be a repeat of past events as well. It has to do with the church, in general, but more specifically about the church in Quebec.

I love my city and my province and my country, but there's stuff that really bothers me, especially in the church. Now, this is not an attack or judgment on the church... Because I love and believe in the church. It is Christ's body! And so, that's why I want to be very careful what I write... And that's why for the moment all I want to post is the following Scripture passages, and when I have the words I'll write what's on my heart.

"Therefore, brethren, since we have full freedom and confidence to enter into the [Holy of] Holies [by the power and virtue] in the blood of Jesus, By this fresh (new) and living way which He initiated and dedicated and opened for us through the separating curtain (veil of the Holy of Holies), that is, through His flesh, And since we have [such] a great and wonderful and noble Priest [Who rules] over the house of God, Let us all come forward and draw near with true (honest and sincere) hearts in unqualified assurance and absolute conviction engendered by faith (by that leaning of the entire human personality on God in absolute trust and confidence in His power, wisdom, and goodness), having our hearts sprinkled and purified from a guilty (evil) conscience and our bodies cleansed with pure water. So let us seize and hold fast and retain without wavering the hope we cherish and confess and our acknowledgement of it, for He Who promised is reliable (sure) and faithful to His word. And let us consider and give attentive, continuous care to watching over one another, studying how we may stir up (stimulate and incite) to love and helpful deeds and noble activities, Not forsaking or neglecting to assemble together [as believers], as is the habit of some people, but admonishing (warning, urging, and encouraging) one another, and all the more faithfully as you see the day approaching." - Hebrews 10:19-25

"The [uncompromisingly] righteous shall flourish like the palm tree [be long-lived, stately, upright, useful, and fruitful]; they shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon [majestic, stable, durable, and incorruptible]. Planted in the house of the Lord, they shall flourish in the courts of our God.[Growing in grace] they shall still bring forth fruit in old age; they shall be full of sap [of spiritual vitality] and [rich in the] verdure [of trust, love, and contentment]." - Psalm 92:12-14

Be blessed!

Prisoners of Hope

I just read this article by Victoria Boyson. Man, it was awesome. Read it here! I will share my thoughts a little later.

Morning Prayer... A Sacred Cow?

I am not--usually--a morning person. I have gone through seasons in my live where I have been. There was a period of about 6 months from November 2000 to about March or April 2001, where I would go to bed, earliest, midnight, but more often than not, I got to bed around 2:00 am. At the same time, I was waking up at 5:00 am without an alarm. I would then get up and go prayer walking for about 30 minutes to an hour, and come back to our fellowship centre for our morning prayer at 6:30 am. And then I'd be off to work. THAT WAS OF GOD!

Normally, I can get up early with the help of my alarm, but I'm usually very groggy. I can focus and concentrate for a short period, like for prayer, but then all I want to do is go back to bed.

Normally, I have trouble eating soon after I wake up. I prefer eating an hour, even two hours, after I have finally woken up--fully and completely (Tragically Hip reference ;) .

Normally, I seem to be more productive in the evenings, and I'll go as far as to say, I'm more productive late at night. At least, looking back at my experiences, this seems to be true. I tried the "waking-up-early-to-get-more-things-done" thing, and it really did not work for me. The reality is that the afternoon or late morning is my MOST productive times, but if I wake up too early, I'm tired and want a nap during the afternoon.

OK, all this to say that I'm not a morning person (man, I can be long-winded sometimes). So what brought this on. Well, it's that whole "waking-up-early-to-spend-time-with-God doctrine" the church seems to advocate in whatever way: by clubbing you over the head with it or in some more subtle ways. But, can we say it really is a doctrine? Do we have Scriptural references that defend this notion?

Well, of course, there is the famous Mark 1:35 passage: "Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed." We tend to focus on the very early part, but the fact is that never again does Scripture mention Jesus going to pray early in the morning. It does however mention Jesus praying at pretty much any time before performing certain miracles, and a couple of "all-nighters" (one of them being the night in Gethsemane). Also, from Mark 1:35, I believe the main issue or lesson was the whole idea that Jesus went to pray in a solitary place. I absolutely believe and agree with the need for personal one-on-one time with God in prayer. If you are living a "Christian" life, yet you have little or no solitary prayer time, let me be so bold and say, you are then far from where God wants you to be. But I digress.

The reason for this little "rant", besides getting others to think and ruffle a few feathers, is to say that all this is really a moot point with the 24/7 movement happening all around the world. Prayer and worship is no longer to be just for a few minutes or hours in the morning and that's all. No God is looking for an army of warriors who will keep watch and fight 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. That's why we have people who LOVE waking up at the (excuse the expression) God-awful hours of the early morning, and others, like me, who are not bothered by going to bed at 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 in the morning! God needs us all. The people of this land need us. I know that this is stirring something in some people. I know that there is something in your vision that includes this vision of prayer and worship going on 24 hours a day... Even when half the world is sleeping (hey, they can't fight it then, right?).

I'd love to hear from you. Let's mobilize this army. I especially looking for you Canadians out there. We seem to always be a few steps behind. BUT no more. We will be frontrunners. There will be a sound out of Canada that the world has never heard. Rise up warriors and cry out to your King! ... Any time of the day ;) Had to slip that in! Down with the sacred cow!

Be blessed.

I will give you the House!

While we were worshipping on Sunday at church, this is what I heard from GOD:

"I will give you the house."

The first thoughts through my head were, "Thank you, Father, for the house you are giving me and Cindy." But then I got this strong sense that it was not just a house for me and Cindy, but also the House of the LORD... i.e. our very own church building! Then I sensed that it also was referring to the International House of Prayer & Worship. God was saying He would give these to us... Of course, that always accompanies or requires some kind of action from us. We have to take some steps of faith and start doing things, as if, we are going to get these things.

I'm glad to say, we took our first step as a church towards getting our own church building. We went to see a Franciscan church. The main sanctuary has not been used in 20 years. But the problem was that we have no kitchen, no fellowship room, no classrooms. So we go on and take step number two!

Stay Tuned!

Been sick...

It's crazy... I've been through this sine wave of illness for the past 2 months! I get quite sick, then I recover 80%, and then--WHAM--I'm sick again! I haven't been able to fully recover my strength... And the fact that I am fasting does not make it better. Though I did read somewhere that when you fast, you body focuses on other matters in the body other than digesting food. And so, in theory, fasting should help when you're sick.

It hasn't helped me!

Anyway, it's also made it hard to spend time with God... Real quality time. But He's always talking... It's just these darn clogged ears! :)

I know that the LORD is the God of Healing. By Jesus' stripes I am healed. I know. So I know that this is just a distraction to keep me from God... Which I will not allow to happen. I will press on! I will push forward! I will see God's goals for my life for 2005 fulfilled! AMEN!