A friend of mine recently shared with me that they have been having very strong feelings or urges to kill themself... or at least to die. They thought they were going crazy and that it was weird or strange, especially since they are a Christian, and a pretty hardcore, fired-up Christian at that. BUt, I do not find that weird or strange. I went through a 13+ year depression, and about 5 of those years was as a hardcore, fired-up Christian. At its worse, and right before the LORD healed me of it, I was praying, hoping, begging that God would take my life, either by being hit by a bus or speeding car or that a group of thugs would beat me to death... basically because I knew I could never take my own life.
Is that weird?! Is that shocking!?
WHAT!? A Christian feels that way!
I say, "Get off your self-righteous high-chair!"
Sorry about that, but there is so much going on out there, both in the visible and in the invisible realms, that we cannot know everything. All I know is THAT is the way I have felt in the past, and lately, that is how I feel. Is it non-Scriptural? No, of course not! There are examples of people, GREAT men and women of God, who were depressed, and, yes, some wanted to die!
Job is maybe the best example! Then there is David, where he reveals in his Psalms the great sorrow and pain he felt at times. There is Abraham sulking in his tent.
Sometimes circumstances out of our control heep heavy burdens on our hearts. Sometimes it is purely a spiritual attack. Though I don't give the devil that much credit. He's only able to do what God allows him, and so if it is a spiritual attack, it probably is something God is trying to teach you, train you, discipline you and/or grow you in.
So what am I talking about. I don't know. All I know is that I am sick and tired of where I am in my life. But I don't know what the next step is. And God seems VERY silent in that regard right now. I'm tired of being abused... verbally and relationally... that's a weird one, eh. Relational abuse!
What do I mean by that? Well, we all know what a relationship is. And we all have different definitions and levels of relationships in our lives. Well, when certain expectations or standards in a particular relationship are not met by one of the parties... then I guess that can be considered abuse... especially if it affects your emotions and health and the relationship with that other party.
WOW... that's as unspecific as someone can be without being totally in the clouds, eh!
This is far from over... but that's it for today!
Tune back in... same BAT-time, same BAT-channel.
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